Three in 1!

Hey!! Man, I feel like its been a really long time since Ive blogged! Well, school started last monday so ive been pretty busy. I'll probably be able to blog only on the weekends because of homework, or maybe i'll at least be able to write a short post. So much has happened!!

So I started high school mondayyy, I have to be honest, it wasnt as great as I thought it was going to be. There were so many surprises!! Especially in first period. There happens to be these two guys that I have... certain history with. I really wanted to ignore one, but I was pretty excited to see the other one... well kind of. I was mostly just nervous. Well anyways, I walk into first period on the first day of school having no idea what the heck to expect. The first person i see is one of my friends from Middle School, I break into a huge relieved smile that I knew at least one person in my class. I sat next to her and we talked, but upon looking around the room I spotted BOTH guys in my first period class! BOTH OF THEM! I mean I knew that I was going to see them at one point, but I didnt think that they were both going to be in my first period surprise. It was definitely not what I was expecting.

So the week went well, it started out a bit shaky, but I have a feeling that its going to get better as time goes on. Im in a photography class, and it seems like its going to be REALLY fun! That is if I can find a camera. You'd think it wouldnt be hard seeing as how my father was a professional photographer, but its proving more difficult then it would seem. But once i find one, it'll be great!

So do you remember back at the beginning of my summer when i told you about my certain someone who was providing me with tons of inspiration. Well they are back. Well they were. This person just aggravates me beyond belief! Its like he cant make up his freakin mind! He just keeps leaving and coming back. And i know hes feeding me with lies, but i just feel to pathetic to tell him... I enjoy his company to much. He just aggravates me! I dont know what to do. i know that i should forget about him, and I really want to, but he just does not want to either stay or leave! I know he likes another girl, and im okay with that, i really just dont want him to continue leading me on the way he does. It just makes me feel like crap. And i know i'm doing it to myself which i think makes me the most angry of all!! UGH!! I hate this and sometimes I hate him. But then right when i say that i want to take it back. I dunno, it just feels irrational to hate someone for something they cant help. So I just sorted my feelings out in a poem, and here it is. Well actually I wrote two that im going to share. The first one was before he texted me, and then the second one was after. Both are untitled, so comment if youve got ideas!

1.
I need more than this
I need more than you
I know I deserve better
but i just cant let go of what might have been
I'm constantly living in the past
wishing you were my future
I know I should cherish the present
for every day is a gift
but i need fulfillment,
and the only way that can be achieved
is from you

2.
You're here
and just like that your gone again
why are you so unpredictable?
why cant you ever stay?
If you love her, thats ok
just dont keep coming back to me.
I dont know how much of this I can take.
I dont know when I'll burst.
But your disloyalty to the both of us hurts me.
I feel like I'm the other girl
the one who's just for fun
but i dont want to be the other girl
I want to be the only girl.

So these two poems basically summarize what im feeling and the kind of feelings he evokes from me.

Lets see.... i also wrote a poem about the way I was feeling before the first day of school, Ill share that with you too. here it is!

My nerves are running high
my heart is beating hard in my chest
waiting in anticipation
for that bell to ring in the crisp early morning
to hear the rush of footsteps
and the sounds coming from everywhere
waiting for that first day
excitement and happiness
but nerves and anxiety
what will be the end results?

Well there is is. As you can see and probably tell, my writing is very amateur, but its something I love to do and I feel like its my escape from the real world and all the hardships i have to deal with in it. Besides, I'm only a freshmen, I've got the rest of my life to learn more :)

I'm not really sure that i've got any more to offer for this post. I will try to blog again soon!! Wish me luck on week 2 of High School!! :D

The End! :)