Sometimes it's just easier to deny than to accept.
I know it may be unhealthy, but unfortunately I think it's one of my biggest defense mechanisms. In times of great sorrow and uneasiness it's just easier for me to block it out, put up a wall and refuse to acknowledge it.
I think that's why I haven't written about it yet, or even written about anything since it all started. I can't. I refuse. My mind just physically won't let me go there.
Pain is scary.
I'm not one of those people who can easily share with others and expose myself. I put up a front. I fake being okay and happy when really on the inside I'm not. I'm a good actress I must admit.
It's been hard because instead of going to someone else to get out my feelings, I write about them. But recently I haven't even been able to do that. I just suppress it. Just like what I'm doing now I can't even say it. I can't type it. Because then that means it's real.
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