Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentines Day!

I hope you had a wonderful Valentine's Day! 

My Valentine's day wasn't to terrible. I mean I didn't get any chocolates or flowers, but it wasn't that awful either! I actually forgot it was Valentine's day for the majority of it... Oh well! 

Well I hope you guys had wonderful days today!

Hopefully next Valentines Day I'll have a boyfriend (;

Him Again

I saw him again!

He didn't see me, but I saw him, and that's enough for now.

He was walking on the side of the road. I was on my way home from Pink berry. I was in a car. We passed by him four times, he didn't see me once. He did not notice the gold car repeatedly driving by, but that's okay.

He still looks the same, maybe a little more worn out, but still the same wonderful eyes and the same blond hair. Well, I actually didn't see it because he was wearing a beanie, but I'm sure it was still there!

It was so strange, I was in the car and he was walking with his back to me, he had a black backpack rather than his signature blue one, and he was wearing a beanie covering his blond hair. But somehow, I just knew it was him. I was right!

Well anyways, I haven't got much more to add, but I just wanted to remember today.

P.S. I'm still smiling just from this, ridiculous right?

Will You Ever Set Me Free?

He never gets out of my head! Ugh...

Every time I hear that song
it makes me think of you.
the memories flood my mind
they fill my senses.
At night I didnt want to close my eyes
to be haunted by your memory
to feel the pain I always felt
when you crossed my mind
Inevitably though, the tears would come
and I could feel the hole opening in my chest
gasping for air
grasping for something real
trying to get back to the present.
lying there, drowning in my memories of you
the way you held me
the way you looked at me
the way you made me laugh
the way you made me feel
the way we would look at each other
and know exactly what the other was thinking
with one glance we would both begin to laugh
I finally have the courage to remember those memories in the daylight
to not fall apart when I think of you
I may wince at the sound of our song
But never will I cry for you again
I love you and I am willing to set you free
to fly on my own
without you.

Passion

Passion.

I love people that are passionate about things. Music, sports, writing, a subject in school, photography etc. It doesn't really matter what to me, but it shows me that there is something more in that persons life. Something they love. When someone has something they love and care about deeply, to me, that means that they have... spirit. That when everything is falling down around them, they can turn to that passion, whatever it may be, and know that it will always be there for them. They can take out their anger, or sadness by participating in whatever it may be.

I have a friend, and he is very passionate about music. I always love talking about music with him because that's the only time when he really reveals his true personality to me. I feel as though when he is talking about music he is letting down all those barriers he builds up against people. I remember (because he doesn't go to my school anymore) that whenever I saw him, he always had headphones in his ears, or they were hanging down from the top of his shirt. I don't think I'd ever seen him without them, and I don't remember, even when we were talking, that he was not listening to a song. He showed me several great songs that upon hearing I went home and downloaded to my ipod. It always warmed my heart that he would try to find music on his ipod that he thought I would like and then show it to me.

He has been playing the piano for several years and I imagine that he's very good. The other day we were texting and I was asking him question after question. I found out that he: writes his own music and lyrics. He sings, and he likes performing in front of people. I asked him what he wrote about and he said just whatever was on his mind. I'm still working on that one, but I'll eventually get it out of him.

He also plays the guitar and the harmonica. I even heard him and his friend's song one day in class and he was playing the banjo for the intro. I must say, it was pretty impressive. I asked him if he might ever show me some of his own music one day, and he said he just might. (YES!). 

Anyways, upon thinking about it, I realized that I was passionate about writing. I really am. I love it. I write every single day. I come home and I'll write a poem about my day or just about the way I am feeling. If someone does something to hurt me or my friend or even to make me angry, I'll write about it. 

Reading is another passion of mine. It's my escape from the real world. It's my adventure into the world of another person. To see and feel things the way they do. I used to hate books that made me cry, but then I realized that two of my favorite books are indeed two books that made me cry. (When You Reach Me, and If I Stay are their titles. Look them up, they are great.) I've also noticed that I like books than I can relate to. It makes the whole premise of the book seem more real and I can imagine it that much more vividly. Which makes the experience of reading a book much more satisfying, gratifying, and electrifying. 

I hope you all can find your passion in life! Once you do, don't ever let it go. 

(If you read the picture at the top, it says the same thing as I wrote just above. the "don't ever let it go" part. I actually wrote that before I found that picture. I just thought that was a funny coincidence.) 

Imagination

Imagination. What is it? What makes someone have a good imagination? Is someone who is random, imaginative as well? Can everyone have an imagination?

Proper Definition of Imagination: the product of imagining; a conception or mental creation,often a baseless or fanciful one. (courtesy of dictionary.reference.com) 


My English teacher today, was also talking about denotation versus connotation. She basically said that denotation was the proper dictionary definition and that connotation is what you think it is. What you think about when you think about that word. 


When I hear the word imagination or any form of it I think of: fire breathing dragons, palaces, stars, fairytale endings, things like that. To have an imagination I think you just need to be creative. When you can make up your own story, you think it through in your head, that's imagining it, hence, the word imagination. But that's just my opinion. What do you think? 


I believe that anyone can have an imagination if they want to. I don't think that the people out there who go around and live their life thinking to themselves "This sucks. The world sucks. My life sucks." have such great imaginations, but they're just not acting upon it. They haven't realized the escape in can provide from the real world and all its horrible things. Sometimes, when I'm in my own little world, I imagine that none of the bad things happened, they don't exist. My life is incredible and i can do anything and be anything. I think that artists (as in painters and photographers) most definitely have imagination. To think things through and adjust their masterpiece just right to evoke just the right feelings and emotions form the people who view it.


Well anyways, this is just what was running through my mind today during English class and I thought I might write about it a little. Hope you enjoyed! 

Why Can't I Have a Cool Name?

I was thinking to myself, why are some people names just so cool? How do they get such cool last names? How do their first and last names fit together so well that whenever you say it its like listening to a harmony of bells?

I dont want to go into detail about all the names because I wouldnt want to disclose any information on this blog that can provide "too informational" for stalking finding people just in case people read it, or will read it sometime in the future. (Which I REALLY hope will happen, Who knows. I guess it takes time right?)

But anyways, this revelation or, maybe its just a thought, came to me today while I was in gym class. I was thinking to myself, why do some people just have such cool names that just have a great ring to them. Like my friend who is a sophomore, she's got SUCH a cool last name. I will feel so sad when she gets married and has to change it, unless she keeps it. Which would be absolutely awesome. (I'm keeping mine by the way, for all you potential husbands out there *wink wink*)

I know this post was completely pointless because I didnt really disclose any cool names that I know, but its for the safety of their owners, I promise, otherwise there would be a great long list right here!

Well thats it really, I hope you all had a wonderful day!

Do you think its awkward when the person you like, knows you like her/him?

This has happened to me before, but I was just randomly thinking about it. I think it really depends on the person you like. If they're mature they wont mind and they wont act stupid about it, but if the person isn't or isn't flattered at all, they'll just be creeped out and ignore you.

The first time I ever liked someone that didn't like me back (I know this sounds kind of conceited, but its true) was in 6th grade. He knew I liked him though, and it was awkward. Why was it awkward? Not because he knew I liked him, but because your friends always make everything awkward... I think that's the real problem right there. Well anyways, his name was Austin. He was realllyyyyy cuuuuute...

Anyways, I will now ignore him for the rest of my life though because my friends made it supperr awkward. We go to the same school and have the same 1st period, but I just ignoooore him. Not in a negative way or anything, just so I don't have to be confronted with the awkwardness of our past every time he sees me. Well anyways. Just a random thought I thought I might share with you. Hope your day is going great!

P.S Finals were today and then we have them tomorrow too... I hate them!! Well I mean, I just took my English one today which was reallyyy esayyyy (: but my spanish final tomorrow will prove more difficult, and I have a feeling that my math final will too... Although, they are both all multiple choice. I love multiple choice!

Have a great day! Good luck on finals if you have to take them this week and your school wasn't smart enough to have you take them BEFORE Christmas Break!

Could it be something more?

Do you think that guys and girls can be just friends? Or do you think that there's always some attraction there, even if its a small amount, that finds the other person physically attractive some way, some how?

You see, this guy I went to middle school with used to like me, and had even asked me out in seventh grade. I said no, but we were still fairly good friends. It wasn't until eighth grade that we really started talking and became really good friends. In fact, he's my best guy friend and I'm probably one of his best girl friends. He used to have long hair that reached his shoulders and braces. Over the summer though he cut his hair, and got his braces off. He is a fairly muscular male for his age, and has blond hair and blue eyes.

Right now he has a girlfriend (who does not like me, I might add) and we've been really good friends for a while. I feel as though we can pretty much talk about anything without it being awkward. What I'm not sure though is how i feel about him. We have good memories and have good laughs. But I am still not sure. Yeah, I guess i would actually consider dating him now if he was single, but even still... I just have no idea. I mean, its not like I like him though, I'm just saying I guess he's pretty attractive.

Anyways, this whole situation reminded me of this movie called When Harry Met Sally the male lead was talking to the female lead (Meg Ryan) and they were talking about how he thinks guys and girls can never be "just friends". It got me thinking, do you think guys and girls can be just friends?

New Year! 2011.

So tomorrow is the last day of the year. I really want to do something to make me remember this year and make it something special. Well at least the last day or so... 

In 2009, my father was diagnosed with cancer. It was a very rare kind and luckily the doctors caught it before it got very bad. My dad's two brothers also died of cancer, but he did not. Thank God. Anyways my point with this paragraph was that 2009 was a very eventful year for my family, what with my dad having to go through radiation and surgery. He is fine now though and is completely cancer free :)

2010, on the contrary has been a fairly uneventful year. My family has a lot of good memories from this year, but nothing extraordinarily special. My summer was... fair... the remainder of my eighth grade year was good and not filled with to many regrets. Except for that one boyfriend... but that's beside the point. The beginning of my high school career started out really well. I was having a lot of fun flirting with various boys, but now that the only one I really "cared" about has moved and I realized that pretty much all the other boys are very... immature to say the least, its quite boring and again, uneventful.

I don't have many resolutions for this year, but maybe I'll make a small list.

1. Make 2011 a year to remember. (This is usually one of my resolutions every year.)
2. Improve the way I dress. I discover that I'm becoming very jaded with my style and that I need to shake things up a bit. I used my Christmas and birthday money to buy myself some new skirts and a few sweaters. Hopefully I can find some new ideas for outfits with that. 
3. Stop caring what other people thing of me as much as I do now.
4. Think more positively about myself, my family, the things I'm doing, and just life in general.
5. Make at least one new really good friend that will get me through high school.
6.  Live my life to the absolute fullest (just in case 2012 is real. JUST KIDDING) 
7. Not take things personally. 
8. Keep up my good grades.
9. Actually do something this summer.
10. Get a boyfriend. JUST KIDDING. I don't need one to be happy, but it sure would be nice. 

I'm sorry. That list was a little more extensive then I meant it to be... but I think I just needed to get all that out. Well anyways, those are my resolutions. Have you got any? Feel free to comment my non existent readers! :)

Christmas!

Christmas time! Christmas time! Christmas time!

Christmas is in 3 days! I am so excited! It's my favorite time of year! Everything about Christmas just makes me so happy.

This Christmas my plans are to go up to Tahoe to visit my cousins and perhaps go skiing if I feel like it, but I dont know that I will... and then I'm going to be spending three days up there with them, and then after that i'll come home monday and get ready to go to San Francisco for 2 days with my family! I am super excited!

I get two weeks off for break, and so far its been great! I am really loving just being lazy and not doing anything. Its great :)

I hope your in the Christmas mood this year and you get everything you wished for :)

Merry Christmas everybody!

Yesterday was my birthdayyyy :)

Happy Birthday to Me!

I actually had an amazing 15th birthday. My two best friends threw me a surprise party with my super close guy and girl friends. It was so amazing! I was out of the house all day due to my community service board I'm on and so that gave them the time to get everyone to my house and hidden. When I walked into the door I was so surprised! My face was beat red. Honestly I thought I was dreaming for the first 15 minutes that I was going to fall on the floor and then wake up in my bed. It was crazy, but good crazy.

Well I'll try to post something with substance as soon as possible!

The People that Mind don't matter, and the People that Matter don't Mind

Everyone cares what other people think, to some extent. Everyone wants to be accepted, and everyone fears that they won't be. But where is that fine line between wanting to be accepted, and changing yourself to be accepted?

I was in the car the other day with my Youth Board advisor and some other girls from the board. She was telling us about how she was raised to not care what other people think. She would dance to a song if she wanted to dance to a song.

She then proceeded to tell us that she has two sons, when they are in the car with her and all of them are listening to music she tells them that whoever was able to rock out the hardest to a song and get the person in the next car to give them a strange look gets 30 extra minutes to stay up that night.

This, in turn, taught them not to care what other people thought of them. That if they wanted to rock out to a song, they should rock out to a song, and this leading on to other things of course.

I'm not the kind of girl to change myself for other people, but I do care how other people perceive me.

Well I haven't really got anything else that's deep to add to this post, just that i thought it was a really good thing for her to teach her kids at such a young age. It was a nice observation, and a good lesson for anyone to learn.

Why Him?

So today, my school had a rally for our winter activities. The main one being Bogus Ball. I'm not sure what Bogus Ball exactly is, because I'm a freshman, but that's not the point of this post.

The point is... I was sitting amongst a bunch of packed freshmen bodies in the stands of the large gym at our school. At our school rallies, the different classes have a competition and see who wins the coveted "Spirit Belt". Well, during one such game, the Slurpee one (where a member from each class had to drink as much of a Slurpee as they could through a really long loopy straw while a team member was holding it up high) I saw a sophomore who was participating as the Slurpee drinker. I don't know what it was about him, but he just radiated cool. You know that kind of person who's just cool and they don't even have to try? It's not like I had never seen this kid around school, I see him after school, and my friend was talking to me about him once about how he's super nice and always says hi to him. I'd always thought he seemed pretty cool and he definitely looked the part (He was attractive to say the least), but I dunno what it was. Just sitting there watching him drink that Slurpee while doing a handstand, and to see how spirited he was, and to see how well he got along with the people that were sitting on the floor next to him who were obviously not his friends just really struck home with me. I found it really attractive and I couldn't seem to get him out of my mind the rest of the day.

During those such hours of the day when my mind would wander, I'd find myself thinking "What makes this kid seem so cool? What makes some freshman notice how he just radiates cool-ness from across a crowded gym?" For a while, I couldn't figure it out. Then I got to thinking about the Secret, because lately its influenced me so much. Then I remember one such passage that said:

"...that the most confident guy in the room is surrounded by girls and guys the minute he walks in the door. Why is that? It's because he projects cool; he feels good within myself. He's having fun, and, most important, he's fun to be around. So he attracts a crowd-its magnetic... As for all the guys and girls surrounding him, they're all attracted by his confidence, charisma, and self-respect. Don't you see, they love him because he loves him."

I think that this is probably very true. Of course the way he looks may not even be whats attractive. Before I saw him today, I hadn't really given him a second thought other than that I knew him as that guy who always says hi to my friend. Today he looked attractive, and acted... attractively? For lack of a better word. Of course the fact that he actually knows how to dress adds to that, but I think it pretty much has everything to do with the way a person acts. Then I thought. If that kid can do it, why cant I?  So that kid (whom I regrettably don't know the name of) was certainly on my mind today. Not that I like him or anything, it was just a very interesting subject matter to figure out what really attracted me to him from across a crowded gym. I mean of all the other sophomores there, why him?

Lately, though, I've been trying to make my thoughts more positive. I want to attract more positive things in my life. Attracting bad things is not going well for me, and as a high schooler now, I'll be going to college soon and I really need some good luck, and attracting good things my way will have everything to do with my attitude, and that having to do with so much more...

I Know The Secret, Do You?

I've been reading this book called The Secret. I'm sure you've heard of it, because its pretty popular. It's kind of like a self improvement book. So my mom bought the The Secret book that was especially for teens. What is it called do you ask? The Secret To Teen Power.

So I'm like halfway through the book right now. Important things I've learned so far?

1. Find out what your dream is. (That's easy for me, writing!)
2. The Law of Attraction never fails. 
3. You attract everything that happens to you, good or bad.
4. like attracts like
5. thoughts become things
6. you attract into your like what you think about most.
7. THINK POSITIVE
8. Live for today. Right now. In the moment
9. Feel alive. Live your life, don't just watch it through someone else's eyes. 
10. Ask... Believe... Receive
1. Ask: When you first think of something
2. Believe: Act as if you already have what you want. 
3. Receive: Feel the way you expect to feel when you receive whatever it is you want. 
11. Trust your instincts. Follow your inspired or intuitive feeling.
12. Thank the Universe and/or God for everything you're grateful for.
13. Picture yourself doing whatever you want. Picturing things in your mind is a huge part of The Secret.

So, these are just a few of the many things i learned from this truly enlightening book. If you're a teen out there and your look for a few extra things or finding yourself and your dream, its easy, just read The Secret. I can tell already that its going to help me a lot, and I hope it helps you too! 

The Secret by Paul Harrington. I'm pretty sure there's also a secret book for adults as well. 

So last Thursday, my tennis team had the end of the season banquet. So at this banquet, each player gets individually recognized in front of the entire team (varsity and JV) as well as the parents and family of the team members. I came home from the banquet in a very angry mood and seriously wanted to punch someone. The reason? Well. I wasn't recognized properly.

The one thing that really gets me is being under appreciated. There's nothing like being made to feel like crap by getting under appreciated and recognized for less than you really did. I felt cheated, angry and was annoyed with my coaches.
First of all, I just wanted to say that, I knew I wasn't going to get recognized as a varsity player (even though i practiced the entire season with varsity, and was at every single varsity game). But that's not exactly what I'm focusing on right now. So there were two reasons as to why I was angry. And one small reason, but it didn't really make me that angry since I was expecting it.

1. I had to accept a JV award. I mean nothing is wrong with JV but it just sucks to have to accept an award that reflects a lot less than the actual work you did.
2. While I was standing up there as the JV coach was talking about me, she asked me how long I'd been playing and I said just a few months and then she said to the audience "It was good that she got to play with varsity a few times." Ummm EXCUSE ME! I practiced every day with varsity and I was at every single varsity match. I sat there the entire time and finally played exhibition matches at the end. And this woman has the never to say I played with varsity a few times, she has the nerve! Ugh. 
3. The third thing that made me angry was the two girls that were my doubles partners for the entire season were mentioned as varsity players!! and I wasn't!! I mean I knew I was going to get a JV award, but i figured they would too, so that made it okay. But then they didn't and I just felt so let down and annoyed. 
4. ANOTHER thing that made me angry was that my coach said things about other players that wasn't even true! Plus she said that other players are spending a lot of outside time to prepare for next season and that they did a lot of outside work to prepare for this season, and I did so much work to prepare for this season! And i am doing so much work to prepare for next season! But do i get acknowledged for that? Noooooo, of course not!
5. And yet ANOTHER thing that aggravated me was that my dad also did a lot of work for the team. He was at all the games I was at, minus maybe two, and he made shelves in out tennis shed and he blew off the courts several times. Did he get acknowledged for all that? Noooo, instead he got a backhanded gesture while the seniors dad was getting all the thanks for it. 

It just aggravated me a lot. That neither me or my father were getting the recognition we deserved. And there's nothing I hate more than not getting recognized properly (just as I said above).

Well I'm sorry this post is whiny, but I really just had to get that out of my system. Next time will be better I promise! 

Something That Made Me Smile Today

There's truly something amazing about standing outside on a warm windy day during fall and watching all the leaves fall around you. Its sort of like dancing in the rain, you get that satisfaction and happiness, but you don't get soaked, although i am an avid rain dancer ;] I just love looking up and seeing all the wonderfully colored leaves falling down around me. Its... magical. 

This afternoon was so great because my friend and I walked all over my neighborhood under the falling leaves. She came over this afternoon because she was my model for my photography project. It was just great to walk around enjoying the warm gusty day, taking pictures of my best friend, feeling the warmth of the sun on my back, hearing the crunch of leaves under my feet, and watching even more fall from the trees. After we had finished with the pictures, my friend and I came back to my house, but we thought it a shame to stay inside on such a beautiful day like today. So we got some towels, took some food with us, and went to this empty, grassy field in between 2 houses, set up camp and just sat there and talked. 

It.

Was.

Amazing.

Well I hope you all found lovely things to do on this fine day! Until next time! 

I Wish I May, I Wish I Might!

TRAVEL ABROAD THIS SUMMER TO GREECE, ITALY, SWITZERLAND, FRANCE, AND THE UNITED KINGDOM!!!!!!!!!!

Oh BOY! I am so excited!!! I really hope my parents let me go. I'm not expecting an answer anytime soon, but I popped the question tonight. It costs $4600 though... I really want to go though!! The $4600 covers all the expenses minus what you do in your free time. My friend said she was going to ask her parents if she can go. But i've always wanted to go to Greece and really anywhere in Europe and if i get to see all this in one trip it would be so amazing!!! We're starting out in Athens and then continuing on to Delphi, after that we go on a one night cruise to Sorrento, and then on to Rome. After that we get to see Florence, Italy and then Lucerne. And then! After that, we get to see PARIS FRANCE and LONDON ENGLAND! It was would be AMAZING if i got to go!!! Wish me luck! :]

Why does this keep happening?

Well. Tonight certainly didn't go as planned. I figured I might be let down. And who was right? ME. Yay. I was right. Ugh. At least I didn't get completely let down. He did text me and tell me he wasn't coming because it was his dads birthday, and that he still wanted to hang out soon. So at least there's that. 

At least I still had fun though! I made a senior friend who goes to Del Campo. He was cool and super nice. So that was good. And at least I didn't get ditched all the time and I had people to hang out with. At least there was some good in a wasted football game. 

My Plea

Please be there

Please don't let me down as I've been let down so many times before

Please find me tonight

I will be there

Waiting for you

Please...

Please don't let me down

I so hope he's there tonight. He told me he would be. I hope this doesn't turn out as it did the last time. Although this is a different guy. I really hope he's there tonight. Although he may not be. This is my plea. 

Please

don't forget me

Because I know I'll never forget you

The way you smiled

The way your eyes would always flicker to me and then back again

I shamelessly stared and hoped you wouldn't notice.

I know i'm easy to be forgotten

but I'll do anything for you to remember

For you to not forget me

Ever.