New Year! 2011.

So tomorrow is the last day of the year. I really want to do something to make me remember this year and make it something special. Well at least the last day or so... 

In 2009, my father was diagnosed with cancer. It was a very rare kind and luckily the doctors caught it before it got very bad. My dad's two brothers also died of cancer, but he did not. Thank God. Anyways my point with this paragraph was that 2009 was a very eventful year for my family, what with my dad having to go through radiation and surgery. He is fine now though and is completely cancer free :)

2010, on the contrary has been a fairly uneventful year. My family has a lot of good memories from this year, but nothing extraordinarily special. My summer was... fair... the remainder of my eighth grade year was good and not filled with to many regrets. Except for that one boyfriend... but that's beside the point. The beginning of my high school career started out really well. I was having a lot of fun flirting with various boys, but now that the only one I really "cared" about has moved and I realized that pretty much all the other boys are very... immature to say the least, its quite boring and again, uneventful.

I don't have many resolutions for this year, but maybe I'll make a small list.

1. Make 2011 a year to remember. (This is usually one of my resolutions every year.)
2. Improve the way I dress. I discover that I'm becoming very jaded with my style and that I need to shake things up a bit. I used my Christmas and birthday money to buy myself some new skirts and a few sweaters. Hopefully I can find some new ideas for outfits with that. 
3. Stop caring what other people thing of me as much as I do now.
4. Think more positively about myself, my family, the things I'm doing, and just life in general.
5. Make at least one new really good friend that will get me through high school.
6.  Live my life to the absolute fullest (just in case 2012 is real. JUST KIDDING) 
7. Not take things personally. 
8. Keep up my good grades.
9. Actually do something this summer.
10. Get a boyfriend. JUST KIDDING. I don't need one to be happy, but it sure would be nice. 

I'm sorry. That list was a little more extensive then I meant it to be... but I think I just needed to get all that out. Well anyways, those are my resolutions. Have you got any? Feel free to comment my non existent readers! :)

Christmas!

Christmas time! Christmas time! Christmas time!

Christmas is in 3 days! I am so excited! It's my favorite time of year! Everything about Christmas just makes me so happy.

This Christmas my plans are to go up to Tahoe to visit my cousins and perhaps go skiing if I feel like it, but I dont know that I will... and then I'm going to be spending three days up there with them, and then after that i'll come home monday and get ready to go to San Francisco for 2 days with my family! I am super excited!

I get two weeks off for break, and so far its been great! I am really loving just being lazy and not doing anything. Its great :)

I hope your in the Christmas mood this year and you get everything you wished for :)

Merry Christmas everybody!

Yesterday was my birthdayyyy :)

Happy Birthday to Me!

I actually had an amazing 15th birthday. My two best friends threw me a surprise party with my super close guy and girl friends. It was so amazing! I was out of the house all day due to my community service board I'm on and so that gave them the time to get everyone to my house and hidden. When I walked into the door I was so surprised! My face was beat red. Honestly I thought I was dreaming for the first 15 minutes that I was going to fall on the floor and then wake up in my bed. It was crazy, but good crazy.

Well I'll try to post something with substance as soon as possible!

The People that Mind don't matter, and the People that Matter don't Mind

Everyone cares what other people think, to some extent. Everyone wants to be accepted, and everyone fears that they won't be. But where is that fine line between wanting to be accepted, and changing yourself to be accepted?

I was in the car the other day with my Youth Board advisor and some other girls from the board. She was telling us about how she was raised to not care what other people think. She would dance to a song if she wanted to dance to a song.

She then proceeded to tell us that she has two sons, when they are in the car with her and all of them are listening to music she tells them that whoever was able to rock out the hardest to a song and get the person in the next car to give them a strange look gets 30 extra minutes to stay up that night.

This, in turn, taught them not to care what other people thought of them. That if they wanted to rock out to a song, they should rock out to a song, and this leading on to other things of course.

I'm not the kind of girl to change myself for other people, but I do care how other people perceive me.

Well I haven't really got anything else that's deep to add to this post, just that i thought it was a really good thing for her to teach her kids at such a young age. It was a nice observation, and a good lesson for anyone to learn.

Why Him?

So today, my school had a rally for our winter activities. The main one being Bogus Ball. I'm not sure what Bogus Ball exactly is, because I'm a freshman, but that's not the point of this post.

The point is... I was sitting amongst a bunch of packed freshmen bodies in the stands of the large gym at our school. At our school rallies, the different classes have a competition and see who wins the coveted "Spirit Belt". Well, during one such game, the Slurpee one (where a member from each class had to drink as much of a Slurpee as they could through a really long loopy straw while a team member was holding it up high) I saw a sophomore who was participating as the Slurpee drinker. I don't know what it was about him, but he just radiated cool. You know that kind of person who's just cool and they don't even have to try? It's not like I had never seen this kid around school, I see him after school, and my friend was talking to me about him once about how he's super nice and always says hi to him. I'd always thought he seemed pretty cool and he definitely looked the part (He was attractive to say the least), but I dunno what it was. Just sitting there watching him drink that Slurpee while doing a handstand, and to see how spirited he was, and to see how well he got along with the people that were sitting on the floor next to him who were obviously not his friends just really struck home with me. I found it really attractive and I couldn't seem to get him out of my mind the rest of the day.

During those such hours of the day when my mind would wander, I'd find myself thinking "What makes this kid seem so cool? What makes some freshman notice how he just radiates cool-ness from across a crowded gym?" For a while, I couldn't figure it out. Then I got to thinking about the Secret, because lately its influenced me so much. Then I remember one such passage that said:

"...that the most confident guy in the room is surrounded by girls and guys the minute he walks in the door. Why is that? It's because he projects cool; he feels good within myself. He's having fun, and, most important, he's fun to be around. So he attracts a crowd-its magnetic... As for all the guys and girls surrounding him, they're all attracted by his confidence, charisma, and self-respect. Don't you see, they love him because he loves him."

I think that this is probably very true. Of course the way he looks may not even be whats attractive. Before I saw him today, I hadn't really given him a second thought other than that I knew him as that guy who always says hi to my friend. Today he looked attractive, and acted... attractively? For lack of a better word. Of course the fact that he actually knows how to dress adds to that, but I think it pretty much has everything to do with the way a person acts. Then I thought. If that kid can do it, why cant I?  So that kid (whom I regrettably don't know the name of) was certainly on my mind today. Not that I like him or anything, it was just a very interesting subject matter to figure out what really attracted me to him from across a crowded gym. I mean of all the other sophomores there, why him?

Lately, though, I've been trying to make my thoughts more positive. I want to attract more positive things in my life. Attracting bad things is not going well for me, and as a high schooler now, I'll be going to college soon and I really need some good luck, and attracting good things my way will have everything to do with my attitude, and that having to do with so much more...

I Know The Secret, Do You?

I've been reading this book called The Secret. I'm sure you've heard of it, because its pretty popular. It's kind of like a self improvement book. So my mom bought the The Secret book that was especially for teens. What is it called do you ask? The Secret To Teen Power.

So I'm like halfway through the book right now. Important things I've learned so far?

1. Find out what your dream is. (That's easy for me, writing!)
2. The Law of Attraction never fails. 
3. You attract everything that happens to you, good or bad.
4. like attracts like
5. thoughts become things
6. you attract into your like what you think about most.
7. THINK POSITIVE
8. Live for today. Right now. In the moment
9. Feel alive. Live your life, don't just watch it through someone else's eyes. 
10. Ask... Believe... Receive
1. Ask: When you first think of something
2. Believe: Act as if you already have what you want. 
3. Receive: Feel the way you expect to feel when you receive whatever it is you want. 
11. Trust your instincts. Follow your inspired or intuitive feeling.
12. Thank the Universe and/or God for everything you're grateful for.
13. Picture yourself doing whatever you want. Picturing things in your mind is a huge part of The Secret.

So, these are just a few of the many things i learned from this truly enlightening book. If you're a teen out there and your look for a few extra things or finding yourself and your dream, its easy, just read The Secret. I can tell already that its going to help me a lot, and I hope it helps you too! 

The Secret by Paul Harrington. I'm pretty sure there's also a secret book for adults as well. 

So last Thursday, my tennis team had the end of the season banquet. So at this banquet, each player gets individually recognized in front of the entire team (varsity and JV) as well as the parents and family of the team members. I came home from the banquet in a very angry mood and seriously wanted to punch someone. The reason? Well. I wasn't recognized properly.

The one thing that really gets me is being under appreciated. There's nothing like being made to feel like crap by getting under appreciated and recognized for less than you really did. I felt cheated, angry and was annoyed with my coaches.
First of all, I just wanted to say that, I knew I wasn't going to get recognized as a varsity player (even though i practiced the entire season with varsity, and was at every single varsity game). But that's not exactly what I'm focusing on right now. So there were two reasons as to why I was angry. And one small reason, but it didn't really make me that angry since I was expecting it.

1. I had to accept a JV award. I mean nothing is wrong with JV but it just sucks to have to accept an award that reflects a lot less than the actual work you did.
2. While I was standing up there as the JV coach was talking about me, she asked me how long I'd been playing and I said just a few months and then she said to the audience "It was good that she got to play with varsity a few times." Ummm EXCUSE ME! I practiced every day with varsity and I was at every single varsity match. I sat there the entire time and finally played exhibition matches at the end. And this woman has the never to say I played with varsity a few times, she has the nerve! Ugh. 
3. The third thing that made me angry was the two girls that were my doubles partners for the entire season were mentioned as varsity players!! and I wasn't!! I mean I knew I was going to get a JV award, but i figured they would too, so that made it okay. But then they didn't and I just felt so let down and annoyed. 
4. ANOTHER thing that made me angry was that my coach said things about other players that wasn't even true! Plus she said that other players are spending a lot of outside time to prepare for next season and that they did a lot of outside work to prepare for this season, and I did so much work to prepare for this season! And i am doing so much work to prepare for next season! But do i get acknowledged for that? Noooooo, of course not!
5. And yet ANOTHER thing that aggravated me was that my dad also did a lot of work for the team. He was at all the games I was at, minus maybe two, and he made shelves in out tennis shed and he blew off the courts several times. Did he get acknowledged for all that? Noooo, instead he got a backhanded gesture while the seniors dad was getting all the thanks for it. 

It just aggravated me a lot. That neither me or my father were getting the recognition we deserved. And there's nothing I hate more than not getting recognized properly (just as I said above).

Well I'm sorry this post is whiny, but I really just had to get that out of my system. Next time will be better I promise! 

Something That Made Me Smile Today

There's truly something amazing about standing outside on a warm windy day during fall and watching all the leaves fall around you. Its sort of like dancing in the rain, you get that satisfaction and happiness, but you don't get soaked, although i am an avid rain dancer ;] I just love looking up and seeing all the wonderfully colored leaves falling down around me. Its... magical. 

This afternoon was so great because my friend and I walked all over my neighborhood under the falling leaves. She came over this afternoon because she was my model for my photography project. It was just great to walk around enjoying the warm gusty day, taking pictures of my best friend, feeling the warmth of the sun on my back, hearing the crunch of leaves under my feet, and watching even more fall from the trees. After we had finished with the pictures, my friend and I came back to my house, but we thought it a shame to stay inside on such a beautiful day like today. So we got some towels, took some food with us, and went to this empty, grassy field in between 2 houses, set up camp and just sat there and talked. 

It.

Was.

Amazing.

Well I hope you all found lovely things to do on this fine day! Until next time! 

I Wish I May, I Wish I Might!

TRAVEL ABROAD THIS SUMMER TO GREECE, ITALY, SWITZERLAND, FRANCE, AND THE UNITED KINGDOM!!!!!!!!!!

Oh BOY! I am so excited!!! I really hope my parents let me go. I'm not expecting an answer anytime soon, but I popped the question tonight. It costs $4600 though... I really want to go though!! The $4600 covers all the expenses minus what you do in your free time. My friend said she was going to ask her parents if she can go. But i've always wanted to go to Greece and really anywhere in Europe and if i get to see all this in one trip it would be so amazing!!! We're starting out in Athens and then continuing on to Delphi, after that we go on a one night cruise to Sorrento, and then on to Rome. After that we get to see Florence, Italy and then Lucerne. And then! After that, we get to see PARIS FRANCE and LONDON ENGLAND! It was would be AMAZING if i got to go!!! Wish me luck! :]

Why does this keep happening?

Well. Tonight certainly didn't go as planned. I figured I might be let down. And who was right? ME. Yay. I was right. Ugh. At least I didn't get completely let down. He did text me and tell me he wasn't coming because it was his dads birthday, and that he still wanted to hang out soon. So at least there's that. 

At least I still had fun though! I made a senior friend who goes to Del Campo. He was cool and super nice. So that was good. And at least I didn't get ditched all the time and I had people to hang out with. At least there was some good in a wasted football game. 

My Plea

Please be there

Please don't let me down as I've been let down so many times before

Please find me tonight

I will be there

Waiting for you

Please...

Please don't let me down

I so hope he's there tonight. He told me he would be. I hope this doesn't turn out as it did the last time. Although this is a different guy. I really hope he's there tonight. Although he may not be. This is my plea. 

Please

don't forget me

Because I know I'll never forget you

The way you smiled

The way your eyes would always flicker to me and then back again

I shamelessly stared and hoped you wouldn't notice.

I know i'm easy to be forgotten

but I'll do anything for you to remember

For you to not forget me

Ever.

Tearing through the night

faster than a bullet

nothing for the darkness to reveal

but all its lonesome secrets

wrapping around you

cloaking you in darkness

protecting the darkness even within yourself

letting you become any force you wish to be.

The stars I see at night

are the same ones you see too

burning bright in the sky

surrounded by darkness

do you look upon them as I do now?

do you wish upon them too?

I do

And I will forever wish for You

Taylor Swifts album came out on monday. I have to admit that I was not one of the screaming fans who ran out and bought it on the first day. I did download it on itunes though. I think that the album is AMAZING Taylor Swift is truly a lyrical GENIUS! To really understand the extent of her lyrical genius-ness, you should read THIS article off yahoo. 

I've been listening to her album non stop for the past two days! I just cant get enough! My favorite songs on this album are Speak Now, Mean, and Better Than Revenge.  I think the messages are really good, plus I think the people they are about really got what they deserved. 

Once again, great job Taylor Swift!! You've succeeded to impress me over and over again! You are a true lyrical genius!

I like how this album is a lot different from her other ones. It's a lot less country then we are used to hearing from her. I think the "pop" style/genre suits her well. I think she's proven that she is really going to be something big. She'll leave a mark in the music industry for sure. In fact, in my opinion, I think she already has.

What I love the most about Taylor is that she's real. All her song subjects are about something that has actually happened in her life. A LOT has happened in hers apparently. She makes beautiful songs out of all the good and bad events in her life, the choices she's made.

So to all of you who haven't bought this album yet, you should! Or at least listen to it. It'll be worth it!

SPEAK NOW or FOREVER hold your peace...

I saw him!

I saw you tonight

for the first time since you left

my heart leaped in my chest

my hands started shaking

I was happy to see you

I broke out smiling and waved

you waved back and my heart simply melted

during intermission we got the chance to talk

It was just like old times but even better because it had been so long

Tonight I felt as though I could finally breath since you had gone.

I wrote this last saturday. I got to see him! The one who moved away! I was so happy! 

Here's the story: My mom and I were home by ourselves last weekend because my dad went out of town. She decided to have one of her friends and her daughter (who is my friend) over for dinner, and then after we would all go and watch the Bella Vista play "And Then There Were None". The play was a murder mystery based of the "Ten Little Indians" rhyme. I'm just going to say right now that I screamed several times, and it was scary! A school play! Scary! I couldn't believe it! It was actually really good for a school play. Well anyways, we went to the play that night, not expecting much (well at least I wasnt) so we go up into the raised audience seats and i hand my ticket to the girl that was taking our tickets and telling us where our seats were. I smiled at her (because I knew her, she's in my PE class) and then I looked up at the audience to see if I knew anyone. I first saw my best friend (she was there because her sister is in the play) and then i scan over the audience again and who should i see but HIM! He was looking right at me. I literally flinched when I saw him. My brain then recollected itself and I broke out into a HUGE grin and waved. I was so happy to see him there. So my friend pointed out where our seats were, and they ended up being RIGHT behind where he and his friend (also my friend) were! I seriously started shaking! You know how you get into that mood where you are really jumpy? Well ya, thats how I was. Well anyways we got to talk during the 15 minute intermission, like i said in the poem, it was just like before he left. We talked and laughed about some things and just talked and enjoyed our time together. I wasnt by myself with him though. Oh well, I still had a good time and I talked to him on facebook monday night and then i gave him my number telling him to text me, and he did! :] I was so happy! Again! Well thats really all for now. I really hope I get to see him again this year. It was really amazing. 

Halloween.

Halloween. My least favorite holiday. In 9 days. 

I'm not really sure why I don't like Halloween, but I just don't. It gives me the heebie-jeebies. I hate being scared. I hate that feeling. So that's probably why I dislike it. I mean don't get me wrong, I've dressed up and gone trick-or-treating every year for as long as I can remember. But I was never one to go into a haunted house and if there are any suspicious or extremely lifelike looking decorations in front of the house I'll skip right by it. 

I always liked the myths though. I don't know, I guess I'm just that kind of person. I always like the mythical aspect of things. Oh well. 

Luckily this year I wont have to deal with all the heebie-jeebie scary parts of Halloween this year because my mom is taking me to Missouri to visit my grandparents. Although I was looking forward to handing out candy at my front door this year... but that won't be happening, unless people actually come to my grandparents front door... 

Oh well. Well, that's all I really wanted to post right now.  Enjoy your Halloween evenings next weekend!

Forever Stuck :/

          I haven't really got much to write. Just that I've been feeling lonely at school lately. I mean of course I've got friends that I hang out with, but I don't mean physically. I mean emotionally. None of the new "friends" I have made are really good friend material. It got me thinking about the difference between real friends, and class friends. 

          Class friends, to me, are the friends that you talk to in class to convince yourself your not a loner, but you are too shy to say hello to in the hallways. They are the friends that, in a group project, may ask you to be in their group, but wouldn't ask you to sit with them at lunch. The friends that you can joke and laugh with, but you cant be completely yourself with. 

          Real friends though are the people you talk to in class because they're funny, they're the ones you yell at in the hall, the friends your constantly choosing for projects and are an active part of your lunch routine, the ones you can joke and laugh with both knowing that there's no judgement no matter how weird you act. 

          All I want in High School is some real friends, friends that care about me, but not the way I act. That's been my real challenge in school so far. I mean I'm good at making class friends, but taking the next step with them is always the hard part. I feel like I'm just stuck being their class friend, never anything more or anything real. Nothing with substance. That's my problem with high school, I've yet to find a person with real substance that I click well with. Ugh. I feel like hope is forever lost and I'm forever stuck!! 

          Sometimes I do think to myself that my social life would've been easier if I had gone to Mira Loma, but I really am glad that I didn't though because I would have been kicking myself over and over due to all other aspects of it. I mean don't get me wrong, I love Bella Vista, but I just need friends!  I feel so alone in the world. I hate feeling alone. All I want is even one friend that accepts me for me, wants to be with me no matter how crazy I act (because I can get pretty crazy), and someone who likes the same kind of things as me. That's all. Is it really to much to ask for? 

Find that one person who understands you!!

Homecoming 2010!

So Saturday night was the homecoming dance, it was really fun! I am so glad that I went! Even though I just went with a group of friends, it was still a lot of fun. Before the dance my friends and I went out to a sushi restaurant near my house called Mikuni. It is so good! I definitely recommend it! I'm not sure though if there are restaurants outside the Sacramento area though... So you might have to look that one up. Anyways, we thoroughly enjoyed our dinner and I narrowly escaped an extremely awkward moment. You see, my friend and I went to the bathroom and this other girl and her group (the one I talked about in a previous post) were eating dinner with ours. So while my friend and I were in the bathroom she was asking me about her, and so I was answering the questions, and who should walk in the door but the girl! I don't think I'd ever shut my mouth so fast. I'm really not the type of person to talk about someone negatively behind their back, really, but I am a person with a very low patience level. So when I'm driven to it... Oh boy.... 

Other than that little lapse at dinner my night was very enjoyable. I got to dace with some cool guys as well as my beautiful friends. Got to see all kinds of girls in their gorgeous dresses! Got to see some boys lookin real spiffy, and got to flaunt what I've got! So it was fun. I love dressing up! Especially for party's and events like this. I was always a huge fan of bar/bat mitzvahs. Well anyways, I just wanted to write a post on homecoming because I thought it was fun and awesome enough to deserve its own post. I hope all of you non existent and future readers had a wonderful night at your 2010 Homecoming! Love you all! 

My heart is finally at peace.

We saw each other today

For the first time since June.

Things were good

But not quite the way they used to be

We talked and joked

But the spark just wasn't there.

We'll be good friends

But I think I'm finally over you

My heart has moved on

And it aches for you no longer. 

Well, I wrote this Friday night. The night I saw him. This is the first guy... not the one that moved... But anyways, I saw him and we talked and did the same kinda stuff we used to, but it just wasn't the same... I think this poem is kind of a peace of mind for me. It's me making peace with my heart. Me making peace with him for hurting me so much. This is me moving on and acknowledging that I don't like him anymore, my heart doesn't ache for him any longer. Plus, I found out that he really did go out with his ex girlfriend. Like for real. Ugh. I really do think, though, that the best way to get over one guy is to find a new guy to like. The painful part is just the time it takes to find that newbie. In my case, it took all summer and then some 'til I found my guy. And then what happened? He moved away. Of course. 

Well my oldie wants me to go to the Rio Homecoming Game which is next Friday... Against Mira Loma... So I might actually do that because I love Mira Loma, plus I don't think we've got a home game next week, and other high schools football games always seem to be more fun then ours (go figure). 

So that night, my friend and I were originally going to go to our own school's homecoming game, but then she brought up the idea of going to ML's and so we debated it, and then we just decided to go. So then she calls me and says I'll pick you up in 5 minutes. I was like WHAT?!?! It takes me more than 5 minutes ti get all this beautiful gorgeousness ready! So I started running around the house getting all my stuff together and getting my face and clothes ready. So she came up and of course I wasn't ready, so I sent my dad out there to talk to her mom and stall me a few minutes... It worked. So ya. Then we get there and my other friend tells me that he is there. I started FREAKING out and got all nervous. But it was better once I saw him. He hadn't changed a bit, except for maybe being a bit taller... Well anyways that was my entertaining Friday night. The next night was homecoming :) more on that in another post! 

Goodbye...

He's gone.

He left today.

He walked away without a second glance.

Or even a single word.

He says he'll come visit, but I don't know if that's really true.

I love the way he's so into music. The way he loses himself in a song. His intoxicating smile makes it hard for me to breath. His gorgeous blue eyes, so deep, I feel as though I can see into the depths of his soul. It makes me want to wipe away every hardship and tragedy he's been through. Makes me want to erase all the bad memories and replace them with newer, happier ones. Makes me want to tell him to stay. Tell him everything will be fine, it'll all work out. But now he's gone for good. He won't be coming back. I feel lost and alone. 

So, I wrote that yesterday... I am just posting this now. Well, the guy I told you who was moving away moved away yesterday. It sucked. He was honestly the only thing I looked forward to in my day. What kept me going in my already apprehensive idea of high school. But no, he moved away. This always happens to me. Nothing ever works out in the love department. Oh well, nothing was ever going to happen with him... Well anyways, we didn't even get to say goodbye because he and his friend were in a fight (on the day he's moving, go figure) yesterday. So he walked out of the photography room pissed off. It made it even worse that I wouldn't be able to see him after school because I had a tennis match. I didn't get home last night until 9, and this girl who needs to go jump off an effing cliff that frustrates me occasionally. Well, I had a really bad day because he left, I didn't get to say goodbye, i played awfully in my match (even though we won, I play doubles) and I was just extremely tired. Well anyways, I come home and she starts talking to me on good old facebook bragging about talking to him and all this crap. I was so not in the mood to hear this so I e-mailed him on facebook and we talked for a little while. So i guess that was good, I just was so not into all her crap. So ya, yesterday was a bad day, and today was a bad day. Wahoo for bad days! Not. 

Hopeless Love

I finally got over one and fell for another... love is just not in favor of me! The first guy said he liked me one day and then three days later he was going out with his ex girlfriend again! And now this second guy is moving away! Curse my bad luck with love! 

Sometimes I think to myself. "What in the heck did I do to get all this?" Why does this continue to happen to me? I'm the kind of person who gets really attached to someone I like and its hard especially when they lie to/betray me and it sucks when they move away too, although this is a first for me... I spent all summer pining over the first guy and as you saw in my posts last Friday, still kind of am. My summer was full of unnecessary tears (although I did a lot of writing) it still sucked a lot. This second guy, I don't think ill be pining over this guy quite as long because nothing ever really happened, but it still stinks that he's moving away and makes me kind of sad. Plus, he seems so happy to be moving anyways! He hates it here I guess. I don't understand why though because his best friend is here, and he's just completely leaving him behind with no regrets or second thoughts really. So that sucks for his best friend... and kind of for me. I'm sorry I'm in such a poor me mood right now, but I dunno, I feel like I used to be so good at the... love game, for lack of a better description, and now every guy I like is unobtainable. Love sucks. That's what I learned this summer. Hope love is going better for you then for me...

The above picture pretty much describes how i feel when I like an unobtainable guy... 

Love with all your heart! 

Fall!

The leaves are changing color

soon they'll fall to the ground

they'll blanket the Earth

and tell of coming Winter

when the clouds will cover the sky

and the sun will seem smaller 

as it tries to break through the clouds

the trees will stand naked and wait til coming spring

so new life can be born and soon bloom

becoming the heat of summer

so they cycle can begin again.

Ahhhh... I just love fall. Its the best season out there because its just cold enough that you can wear boots and sweatshirts, but not too cold that you completely freeze your butt off. So its quite nice. Plus the trees are always absolutely beautiful with the red, orange, and yellow leaves falling from the trees (I just made a rhyme!). And lets face it, who doesnt like tromping around through the leaves on the side of the road and kicking them up and I love it when the leaves make a little tornado in the street when the wind picks up, its so fun!

And by the way, the above poem is an original, from yours truly! Hope you enjoy.

Fall is in the air! 

I Know What I Wanna Be, Do You?

In my life, I think a lot about the future. I'm always thinking about what college I'm going to go to, how I will pay for it, what kind of car I want when I turn 16, what my first job will be. But at the same time, I know how to live in the moment. I am basically a living contradiction. I hate cleaning but I love being in a clean environment. You know what I mean? Its just difficult. Especially when you're asked these questions straight out. 

Do let me explain myself here. Today during first period, a man from DeVry University came into our class and was talking to us about the kind of careers we would want in the future, and what sort of college we would want to go to. Now I already know what I want. I want to go to a college with a good English program so I can become a writer when I grow up. Well anyways, this guy came in and we had to take personality tests. A few of the questions on there were like "Are you the kind of person who lives for the future?" or "Are you the kind of person that lives in the moment?" and to tell you the truth, as I said above, I definitely live in the moment as well! So I had no idea what to put. So I just put that I more the kind of person to live in the moment... and its true! But I dunno, I hate being a walking oxi-moron... Oh well... isn't life full of contradictions? Life is hard and I know that you have to be able to work now, play later, live spontaneously and for the future. You just have to be able to mix responsibility and fun in your life to live it to the fullest. So that's what I learned today really. Not from the guy, but from thinking about all of it. 

In case you were wondering, we did get the results from our personality test and the kind of career would fit us best. Ironically enough I got adventurer! I couldn't believe it. An adventurer? That would be the last thing I would describe myself as. The thing is though everything it described and said were very accurate, except the title. I dunno, it was weird. The results for my job said that I should do something where I can let my creative juices flow, not be held down or back, not be bossed around (because I like to do my own thing) be spontaneous and something I can use my logical and problem solving skills. That is all absolutely right! When I told my mom about this mini assembly in the classroom she said that pretty much described exactly what I wanted to be a free lance writer. So Hopefully that may come true! Because boy do I want it to be. I want to write a novel!

I thought I would leave you with the above picture! I figure that if your reading this, you probably have a blog, and you probably like to write a lot too! So I just thought this was true and funny at the same time!

Enjoy life and the love of writing!

Life!

So tonight, as I told you earlier, my family and I went to dinner. We went to a place called Zocolos It was a pretty good restaurant, it has Mexican food. I got an enchilada (because I love them sooo much!) it had tomatillo sauce on it which I wasn't a huge fan of... it was a bit to spicy for me... but all in all the vibe was great and the restaurant was nice. Definitely go check it out! 

I feel like this weekend was really long. It was nice though. I constantly feel like the weekend is going by way to quickly. The Friday night football game was fun, but kind of a disappointment, and my Saturday tennis match went well, and I got up this morning at 8:50 for no reason, but the dinner was good. So I think each day had its ups and downs... interesting and boring parts. 

I thought this quote was suitable for this post. So I put it up! And I think its actually pretty true. If you just take things one step at a time, and day by day, then you get to stop and smell the roses and actually live your life. 

Live it to the fullest!

Shopping!

I finally figured out how to get a picture of my homecoming dress on here! I am super excited to share it with you my non existent readers! The shoes as well!

 

So that's my dress and shoes! I'm really excited for homecoming!

 

The above are the new purse and wallet I got last night upon my shopping trip to TJ Maxx. I love that store! I dint understand why people don't like it. I'll be at school and someone will say "I like your pants, where'd you get them?" And then I would say "Thank you! I got them at TJ Maxx!" and they say "You shop at TJ Maxx?" As if there's anything wrong with it! Its designer brand just cheaper! My goodness!

So tonight my family and I are finally going out to dinner at a fairly nice restaurant so I have an excuse to dress causal dressy. Finally. I have all these nice formal clothes that are to fancy for school and every day wear, but I haven't got anywhere to wear them! So my mom and I made a resolution to actually do something on the weekends that will give us an excuse to dress nicer then every day wear and tear. 

Right now, as I am writing this post, I am listening to a really good song! Its called Weight of the World, I think its a really good song and its got a nice beat. So you should check it out. 

Well that's all I've got for this post. I haven't got anything to do the rest of the day really, so I will probably post again today. 

The End! :)

The Road.

Sometimes I feel like my life is an endless road stretched out before me... and then other times I feel like I've only got a few more years of "freedom" left. Especially now that I've started high school, everything counts. I have to get great grades and failing or retaking a class in not an option. I feel like everything I do now is shaping me and my resume for college. I'm really starting to feel my time running out now. I've got just under a year and a half until I'm 16. My family isn't to well off, and I know that I'm going to have to get a job (who knows what that would be) and start getting funds for my car and help paying for college tuition (I really have to start looking for scholarships.) eeekkk oh my god, i have so much to do! I think I'm going to do pretty well in high school this year though, we got our progress reports yesterday and I had all A's and three A+'s (not to brag or anythingggg.)  So, I'm just going to take my high school career in stride and do the best I can to get good grades and not stress to much!

For some reason this picture makes me feel calm. So maybe I'll look at a picture like this every time I need to calm myself down. Sounds like a good plan! 

Change

 I thought it was time for a change. I decided to get creative today and redo the appearance of my blog. It was getting very boring to me and I just really wanted to spice things up! 

Now, as I'm thinking about change, I realize, that I am a person who likes change (read my horoscope if you don't believe me!) Go Sagittarius! But yes, as I am thinking about it now, I always redo my room or I change up my backpack or I hang out with new people, do my homework in a different spot then normal. I just change. Although I'm not really much for changing my appearance. I want long hair and my hair will be long for as long as I want it to be that way! Plus, I don't like changing the way I do my makeup or the way I dress. Although I do work on my personality a lot. Lately I've been trying to be more confident in myself. My phrase or motto lately has been Own It. To me this basically means whatever you're going to do, be confident in it and don't be ashamed of yourself. 

I am really glad that i finally figured out how to make my posts... interesting? More decorative? I'm not sure what the word is, but I was typing it all up in the wrong tab. I was using the Edit HTML version rather than Compose. It made me feel quite dumb. I have those moments a lot though, so its really nothing new to me. 

At my old school I was always known as the dumb one who couldn't tie her shoes, but now at my new school, I'm... the smart one. Its so weird, astonishing, unbelievable cool to finally be asked for help instead of having to ask for help. So I like it. Its a nice (no pun intended) change. 

So today, I played a tennis match at a high school in town. I was kind of nervous because I was paired up with a girl that I hadn't played with before. I mean we had talked of course but we were never really partners for anything tennis related. I really didn't want to embarrass myself by doing really bad because she was three spots ahead of me on our team ladder. Good news though! I think I actually played really well! Almost all my serves were in (I only had to go for a second serve a few select times) and I was playing at the net pretty well for someone who is terrified and scared to death apprehensive about playing up at the net. My partner of course played really well to, an she loves playing at the net. We played an eight game pro set and the final score was 8-7 after a 12 point tie-breaker for the lead! (and for all  those people who don't know what that means, don't worry, it means we had a really good and even match!) 

Things I'm excited about right now:

1. The New appearance of my blog!

2. I figured out how to add links and pictures.

3. I learned how to enhance the content of my posts.

4. My tennis match

5. Photo Class

6. Eating dinner out tomorrow with my family! (we never get to do that!)

Things I want to do right now:

1. Get my dog to stop barking

2. See the movie Easy A

3. Hang out with my best friends

4. Re-paint my toenails

5. Go shopping! (I always want to do that though...)

6. Blog again soon!

Well that's all I've got for now, I hope you enjoyed it, although I have like zero followers... Oh well! 

The End! :)

Disappointment.

He wasnt there.

I felt my heart drop.

I wondered why he didnt show.

I had a feeling this would happen. I tried to prepare myself for the worse. But i really thought he might come through this time.

I should have known better then to get my hopes up. Even after he promised me.

I now vow that I will be rid of him. I wont fall for him again. I refuse to go through the ups and downs he causes. I am done, and I will move on.

I can't BELIEVE he wasnt there. He freakin PROMISED me. I truly hate it when people break promises. They truly are not worth my while. I refuse to let him do this to me. I will not cry for him again. I will sew my heart back together. Stand tall, and just move on.

Moving on is something I truly have a problem with. Once I like someone I truly get attached. Thats why I really dont want to let myself like this guy in my photography class because he's a junior first off, and second I know that nothing will happen. Besides, I'm ok with just being his friend. Friend. Friend. Friend. We talk during class and he shows me good songs to listen to. This is one of my favorites he showed me. Its called La Mar by The Beautiful Girls.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o48nV2WQtA0


I hope this link works. My links havent been working very well... Well anyways even if you cant follow the link, just youtube it. Its really good. Anyways, I don't want to fall for him. I wont. Im willing myself not to. Dude! I figured it out! You have to be in the compose version!!!!

So even though he wasnt there tonight, and after a while i knew he wouldnt show up, I decided to have a good time anyways. I talked to some old friends that went to a different school, and I made some new friends that go to my own school. Plus today I got a sandwich thrown at me in the hallway... It was a joke from my friend so its cool. He's nice and pretty funny.

So I had three tests today. Math, and two English tests. We're reading Great Expectations, its a boring load of crap and takes forever to explain stuff good and kind of interesting I guess. Its getting better towards the end. We're almost done! I'm not totally sure what book we're reading next. But I hope its better than this one. I dunno, I liked Pip's character, and then I didnt like it, and now I do. I dunno, this book is just extraordinarily confusing.

So ever since i met my new jr friends in photo class (which im loving by the way) I have found more and more good music. I really like this one guy named Matisyahu. This is the song that I like. Its called One Day and I think the message is good.

Well I'm really happy that I finally figured out how to get the link thing working and all that, and I'll do my best to blog again soon. Thats all for now!

The End :)

Preparation

I am preparing myself, tonight, to see him.

He's going to be at the football game.

I cant get the questions out of my head. What will he say? Will things be just they were? Will he even talk to me?

Im nervous, but at the same time i'm so glad i get to see him. I've been waiting for this since the last day of school when I saw him jump the creek, get in the car, and leave me behind watching helplessly. Wishing he would come back to me. To hold me in his arms and make me laugh til I cry. But he didnt. He left me and found someone else. It tore me in half and darkened my summer, though I tried not to accept it. So this is my mental preparation to see him. He says he's excited, but who knows what he's really thinking...

I hope everything goes well tonight.

Wish me luck!

Homecoming!

Heyy ok so I wanted to blog and im just gunna say that i had a GREAT day today!!! I felt sooo accomplished! I got my dress for homecoming!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god i am so excited for homecoming now!!! I dont have a date... yet... im hoping... that maybe.... this guy... in my photo class... but i dunno... he's a junior... so i dont think so.... but maybeeeeee... i hope... well anyways even if he doesnt ask me im ok with that and going by myself is fine with me too! Im just really excited for homecoming! Especially now that I have my dress!!! Its sooo pretty i feel like a princess in it! Its like white with sparkles on it and im wearing it with gold shoes, oh my god its amazing!!! So ya, that was my big major accomplishment today! It was super awesome!!!

So today I also had a carwash to raise money for my tennis team. We made a bunch of money so it was good, i think we made like over 300 bucks today and 100 bucks last night plus we are going to have another carwash in october and one of our coaches is having a jewelry party so we will get more money. I think we need around 1200 dollars... I hope we get there!! Its for our team sweatshirts. I hope they are totally awesome so I hope we raise a lot of moneyyy!!

So I had a really good week this week! Monday was good cuz it was just pretty relax and chill. Well actually im just gunna come clean... My week this week in photography was AMAZING so thats what made my week so good. Cuz of two someones in that class one of whom i want to ask me to homecominggg... but i dont think he will but anyways thats not the point... so they are just really funny and fun to hang out with! anyways monday was fun cuz we just chilled in the darkroom and talked and laughed and it was funnn... tuesday was so FUN because right before third there was an assembly and it was absolutely HILARIOUS! The guy was a motivational speaker and he was sooo funny!!!!! Plus everything he said was so frickin true that it made everything twice as funny! So anyways then after the assembly I walk to photo and everyone was sitting in different seats and i was like whoa what the..? and so i looked for my name and i ended up sitting at the same table as BOTH of them haha so it was pretty cool... and ya the rest of the week was cool too! So yaa... thats that.

I really wish i had something deep to say... but i dont... or even some poetry to share. but again, i dont. It sucks cuz school and tennis are kinda taking over my life right now, so there isnt really a whole lot of time to blog everyday and write poetry and have a lot of time to be deep, sentimental, or theoretical.

Ugh. Its almost october... that means its almost halloween... my least favorite holiday out there... I mean its fun i guess to dress up, but i hate the scaryness and the scary commercials on tv and stuff... AND it doesnt help that i get scared extremely easily... oh well. I dont even have to dress up this year because my mom is taking me to missouri to see my grandparents. So i wont be trick or treating and getting cany this year. Plus ill have to miss school, and i HATE missing school because i feel so out of it when i come back, and i hate feeling "out of it" it sucks so much! I feel like i miss so much! Especially when i like someone cuz i mean its like so many chances to talk! and i wasnt even at school. danggg. oh well.

So i dont really have much to say so i guess thats the end!

The End!:)