Forever Stuck :/

          I haven't really got much to write. Just that I've been feeling lonely at school lately. I mean of course I've got friends that I hang out with, but I don't mean physically. I mean emotionally. None of the new "friends" I have made are really good friend material. It got me thinking about the difference between real friends, and class friends. 

          Class friends, to me, are the friends that you talk to in class to convince yourself your not a loner, but you are too shy to say hello to in the hallways. They are the friends that, in a group project, may ask you to be in their group, but wouldn't ask you to sit with them at lunch. The friends that you can joke and laugh with, but you cant be completely yourself with. 

          Real friends though are the people you talk to in class because they're funny, they're the ones you yell at in the hall, the friends your constantly choosing for projects and are an active part of your lunch routine, the ones you can joke and laugh with both knowing that there's no judgement no matter how weird you act. 

          All I want in High School is some real friends, friends that care about me, but not the way I act. That's been my real challenge in school so far. I mean I'm good at making class friends, but taking the next step with them is always the hard part. I feel like I'm just stuck being their class friend, never anything more or anything real. Nothing with substance. That's my problem with high school, I've yet to find a person with real substance that I click well with. Ugh. I feel like hope is forever lost and I'm forever stuck!! 

          Sometimes I do think to myself that my social life would've been easier if I had gone to Mira Loma, but I really am glad that I didn't though because I would have been kicking myself over and over due to all other aspects of it. I mean don't get me wrong, I love Bella Vista, but I just need friends!  I feel so alone in the world. I hate feeling alone. All I want is even one friend that accepts me for me, wants to be with me no matter how crazy I act (because I can get pretty crazy), and someone who likes the same kind of things as me. That's all. Is it really to much to ask for? 

Find that one person who understands you!!