Tearing through the night

faster than a bullet

nothing for the darkness to reveal

but all its lonesome secrets

wrapping around you

cloaking you in darkness

protecting the darkness even within yourself

letting you become any force you wish to be.

The stars I see at night

are the same ones you see too

burning bright in the sky

surrounded by darkness

do you look upon them as I do now?

do you wish upon them too?

I do

And I will forever wish for You

Taylor Swifts album came out on monday. I have to admit that I was not one of the screaming fans who ran out and bought it on the first day. I did download it on itunes though. I think that the album is AMAZING Taylor Swift is truly a lyrical GENIUS! To really understand the extent of her lyrical genius-ness, you should read THIS article off yahoo. 

I've been listening to her album non stop for the past two days! I just cant get enough! My favorite songs on this album are Speak Now, Mean, and Better Than Revenge.  I think the messages are really good, plus I think the people they are about really got what they deserved. 

Once again, great job Taylor Swift!! You've succeeded to impress me over and over again! You are a true lyrical genius!

I like how this album is a lot different from her other ones. It's a lot less country then we are used to hearing from her. I think the "pop" style/genre suits her well. I think she's proven that she is really going to be something big. She'll leave a mark in the music industry for sure. In fact, in my opinion, I think she already has.

What I love the most about Taylor is that she's real. All her song subjects are about something that has actually happened in her life. A LOT has happened in hers apparently. She makes beautiful songs out of all the good and bad events in her life, the choices she's made.

So to all of you who haven't bought this album yet, you should! Or at least listen to it. It'll be worth it!

SPEAK NOW or FOREVER hold your peace...

I saw him!

I saw you tonight

for the first time since you left

my heart leaped in my chest

my hands started shaking

I was happy to see you

I broke out smiling and waved

you waved back and my heart simply melted

during intermission we got the chance to talk

It was just like old times but even better because it had been so long

Tonight I felt as though I could finally breath since you had gone.

I wrote this last saturday. I got to see him! The one who moved away! I was so happy! 

Here's the story: My mom and I were home by ourselves last weekend because my dad went out of town. She decided to have one of her friends and her daughter (who is my friend) over for dinner, and then after we would all go and watch the Bella Vista play "And Then There Were None". The play was a murder mystery based of the "Ten Little Indians" rhyme. I'm just going to say right now that I screamed several times, and it was scary! A school play! Scary! I couldn't believe it! It was actually really good for a school play. Well anyways, we went to the play that night, not expecting much (well at least I wasnt) so we go up into the raised audience seats and i hand my ticket to the girl that was taking our tickets and telling us where our seats were. I smiled at her (because I knew her, she's in my PE class) and then I looked up at the audience to see if I knew anyone. I first saw my best friend (she was there because her sister is in the play) and then i scan over the audience again and who should i see but HIM! He was looking right at me. I literally flinched when I saw him. My brain then recollected itself and I broke out into a HUGE grin and waved. I was so happy to see him there. So my friend pointed out where our seats were, and they ended up being RIGHT behind where he and his friend (also my friend) were! I seriously started shaking! You know how you get into that mood where you are really jumpy? Well ya, thats how I was. Well anyways we got to talk during the 15 minute intermission, like i said in the poem, it was just like before he left. We talked and laughed about some things and just talked and enjoyed our time together. I wasnt by myself with him though. Oh well, I still had a good time and I talked to him on facebook monday night and then i gave him my number telling him to text me, and he did! :] I was so happy! Again! Well thats really all for now. I really hope I get to see him again this year. It was really amazing. 

Halloween.

Halloween. My least favorite holiday. In 9 days. 

I'm not really sure why I don't like Halloween, but I just don't. It gives me the heebie-jeebies. I hate being scared. I hate that feeling. So that's probably why I dislike it. I mean don't get me wrong, I've dressed up and gone trick-or-treating every year for as long as I can remember. But I was never one to go into a haunted house and if there are any suspicious or extremely lifelike looking decorations in front of the house I'll skip right by it. 

I always liked the myths though. I don't know, I guess I'm just that kind of person. I always like the mythical aspect of things. Oh well. 

Luckily this year I wont have to deal with all the heebie-jeebie scary parts of Halloween this year because my mom is taking me to Missouri to visit my grandparents. Although I was looking forward to handing out candy at my front door this year... but that won't be happening, unless people actually come to my grandparents front door... 

Oh well. Well, that's all I really wanted to post right now.  Enjoy your Halloween evenings next weekend!

Forever Stuck :/

          I haven't really got much to write. Just that I've been feeling lonely at school lately. I mean of course I've got friends that I hang out with, but I don't mean physically. I mean emotionally. None of the new "friends" I have made are really good friend material. It got me thinking about the difference between real friends, and class friends. 

          Class friends, to me, are the friends that you talk to in class to convince yourself your not a loner, but you are too shy to say hello to in the hallways. They are the friends that, in a group project, may ask you to be in their group, but wouldn't ask you to sit with them at lunch. The friends that you can joke and laugh with, but you cant be completely yourself with. 

          Real friends though are the people you talk to in class because they're funny, they're the ones you yell at in the hall, the friends your constantly choosing for projects and are an active part of your lunch routine, the ones you can joke and laugh with both knowing that there's no judgement no matter how weird you act. 

          All I want in High School is some real friends, friends that care about me, but not the way I act. That's been my real challenge in school so far. I mean I'm good at making class friends, but taking the next step with them is always the hard part. I feel like I'm just stuck being their class friend, never anything more or anything real. Nothing with substance. That's my problem with high school, I've yet to find a person with real substance that I click well with. Ugh. I feel like hope is forever lost and I'm forever stuck!! 

          Sometimes I do think to myself that my social life would've been easier if I had gone to Mira Loma, but I really am glad that I didn't though because I would have been kicking myself over and over due to all other aspects of it. I mean don't get me wrong, I love Bella Vista, but I just need friends!  I feel so alone in the world. I hate feeling alone. All I want is even one friend that accepts me for me, wants to be with me no matter how crazy I act (because I can get pretty crazy), and someone who likes the same kind of things as me. That's all. Is it really to much to ask for? 

Find that one person who understands you!!

Homecoming 2010!

So Saturday night was the homecoming dance, it was really fun! I am so glad that I went! Even though I just went with a group of friends, it was still a lot of fun. Before the dance my friends and I went out to a sushi restaurant near my house called Mikuni. It is so good! I definitely recommend it! I'm not sure though if there are restaurants outside the Sacramento area though... So you might have to look that one up. Anyways, we thoroughly enjoyed our dinner and I narrowly escaped an extremely awkward moment. You see, my friend and I went to the bathroom and this other girl and her group (the one I talked about in a previous post) were eating dinner with ours. So while my friend and I were in the bathroom she was asking me about her, and so I was answering the questions, and who should walk in the door but the girl! I don't think I'd ever shut my mouth so fast. I'm really not the type of person to talk about someone negatively behind their back, really, but I am a person with a very low patience level. So when I'm driven to it... Oh boy.... 

Other than that little lapse at dinner my night was very enjoyable. I got to dace with some cool guys as well as my beautiful friends. Got to see all kinds of girls in their gorgeous dresses! Got to see some boys lookin real spiffy, and got to flaunt what I've got! So it was fun. I love dressing up! Especially for party's and events like this. I was always a huge fan of bar/bat mitzvahs. Well anyways, I just wanted to write a post on homecoming because I thought it was fun and awesome enough to deserve its own post. I hope all of you non existent and future readers had a wonderful night at your 2010 Homecoming! Love you all! 

My heart is finally at peace.

We saw each other today

For the first time since June.

Things were good

But not quite the way they used to be

We talked and joked

But the spark just wasn't there.

We'll be good friends

But I think I'm finally over you

My heart has moved on

And it aches for you no longer. 

Well, I wrote this Friday night. The night I saw him. This is the first guy... not the one that moved... But anyways, I saw him and we talked and did the same kinda stuff we used to, but it just wasn't the same... I think this poem is kind of a peace of mind for me. It's me making peace with my heart. Me making peace with him for hurting me so much. This is me moving on and acknowledging that I don't like him anymore, my heart doesn't ache for him any longer. Plus, I found out that he really did go out with his ex girlfriend. Like for real. Ugh. I really do think, though, that the best way to get over one guy is to find a new guy to like. The painful part is just the time it takes to find that newbie. In my case, it took all summer and then some 'til I found my guy. And then what happened? He moved away. Of course. 

Well my oldie wants me to go to the Rio Homecoming Game which is next Friday... Against Mira Loma... So I might actually do that because I love Mira Loma, plus I don't think we've got a home game next week, and other high schools football games always seem to be more fun then ours (go figure). 

So that night, my friend and I were originally going to go to our own school's homecoming game, but then she brought up the idea of going to ML's and so we debated it, and then we just decided to go. So then she calls me and says I'll pick you up in 5 minutes. I was like WHAT?!?! It takes me more than 5 minutes ti get all this beautiful gorgeousness ready! So I started running around the house getting all my stuff together and getting my face and clothes ready. So she came up and of course I wasn't ready, so I sent my dad out there to talk to her mom and stall me a few minutes... It worked. So ya. Then we get there and my other friend tells me that he is there. I started FREAKING out and got all nervous. But it was better once I saw him. He hadn't changed a bit, except for maybe being a bit taller... Well anyways that was my entertaining Friday night. The next night was homecoming :) more on that in another post! 

Goodbye...

He's gone.

He left today.

He walked away without a second glance.

Or even a single word.

He says he'll come visit, but I don't know if that's really true.

I love the way he's so into music. The way he loses himself in a song. His intoxicating smile makes it hard for me to breath. His gorgeous blue eyes, so deep, I feel as though I can see into the depths of his soul. It makes me want to wipe away every hardship and tragedy he's been through. Makes me want to erase all the bad memories and replace them with newer, happier ones. Makes me want to tell him to stay. Tell him everything will be fine, it'll all work out. But now he's gone for good. He won't be coming back. I feel lost and alone. 

So, I wrote that yesterday... I am just posting this now. Well, the guy I told you who was moving away moved away yesterday. It sucked. He was honestly the only thing I looked forward to in my day. What kept me going in my already apprehensive idea of high school. But no, he moved away. This always happens to me. Nothing ever works out in the love department. Oh well, nothing was ever going to happen with him... Well anyways, we didn't even get to say goodbye because he and his friend were in a fight (on the day he's moving, go figure) yesterday. So he walked out of the photography room pissed off. It made it even worse that I wouldn't be able to see him after school because I had a tennis match. I didn't get home last night until 9, and this girl who needs to go jump off an effing cliff that frustrates me occasionally. Well, I had a really bad day because he left, I didn't get to say goodbye, i played awfully in my match (even though we won, I play doubles) and I was just extremely tired. Well anyways, I come home and she starts talking to me on good old facebook bragging about talking to him and all this crap. I was so not in the mood to hear this so I e-mailed him on facebook and we talked for a little while. So i guess that was good, I just was so not into all her crap. So ya, yesterday was a bad day, and today was a bad day. Wahoo for bad days! Not. 

Hopeless Love

I finally got over one and fell for another... love is just not in favor of me! The first guy said he liked me one day and then three days later he was going out with his ex girlfriend again! And now this second guy is moving away! Curse my bad luck with love! 

Sometimes I think to myself. "What in the heck did I do to get all this?" Why does this continue to happen to me? I'm the kind of person who gets really attached to someone I like and its hard especially when they lie to/betray me and it sucks when they move away too, although this is a first for me... I spent all summer pining over the first guy and as you saw in my posts last Friday, still kind of am. My summer was full of unnecessary tears (although I did a lot of writing) it still sucked a lot. This second guy, I don't think ill be pining over this guy quite as long because nothing ever really happened, but it still stinks that he's moving away and makes me kind of sad. Plus, he seems so happy to be moving anyways! He hates it here I guess. I don't understand why though because his best friend is here, and he's just completely leaving him behind with no regrets or second thoughts really. So that sucks for his best friend... and kind of for me. I'm sorry I'm in such a poor me mood right now, but I dunno, I feel like I used to be so good at the... love game, for lack of a better description, and now every guy I like is unobtainable. Love sucks. That's what I learned this summer. Hope love is going better for you then for me...

The above picture pretty much describes how i feel when I like an unobtainable guy... 

Love with all your heart! 

Fall!

The leaves are changing color

soon they'll fall to the ground

they'll blanket the Earth

and tell of coming Winter

when the clouds will cover the sky

and the sun will seem smaller 

as it tries to break through the clouds

the trees will stand naked and wait til coming spring

so new life can be born and soon bloom

becoming the heat of summer

so they cycle can begin again.

Ahhhh... I just love fall. Its the best season out there because its just cold enough that you can wear boots and sweatshirts, but not too cold that you completely freeze your butt off. So its quite nice. Plus the trees are always absolutely beautiful with the red, orange, and yellow leaves falling from the trees (I just made a rhyme!). And lets face it, who doesnt like tromping around through the leaves on the side of the road and kicking them up and I love it when the leaves make a little tornado in the street when the wind picks up, its so fun!

And by the way, the above poem is an original, from yours truly! Hope you enjoy.

Fall is in the air! 

I Know What I Wanna Be, Do You?

In my life, I think a lot about the future. I'm always thinking about what college I'm going to go to, how I will pay for it, what kind of car I want when I turn 16, what my first job will be. But at the same time, I know how to live in the moment. I am basically a living contradiction. I hate cleaning but I love being in a clean environment. You know what I mean? Its just difficult. Especially when you're asked these questions straight out. 

Do let me explain myself here. Today during first period, a man from DeVry University came into our class and was talking to us about the kind of careers we would want in the future, and what sort of college we would want to go to. Now I already know what I want. I want to go to a college with a good English program so I can become a writer when I grow up. Well anyways, this guy came in and we had to take personality tests. A few of the questions on there were like "Are you the kind of person who lives for the future?" or "Are you the kind of person that lives in the moment?" and to tell you the truth, as I said above, I definitely live in the moment as well! So I had no idea what to put. So I just put that I more the kind of person to live in the moment... and its true! But I dunno, I hate being a walking oxi-moron... Oh well... isn't life full of contradictions? Life is hard and I know that you have to be able to work now, play later, live spontaneously and for the future. You just have to be able to mix responsibility and fun in your life to live it to the fullest. So that's what I learned today really. Not from the guy, but from thinking about all of it. 

In case you were wondering, we did get the results from our personality test and the kind of career would fit us best. Ironically enough I got adventurer! I couldn't believe it. An adventurer? That would be the last thing I would describe myself as. The thing is though everything it described and said were very accurate, except the title. I dunno, it was weird. The results for my job said that I should do something where I can let my creative juices flow, not be held down or back, not be bossed around (because I like to do my own thing) be spontaneous and something I can use my logical and problem solving skills. That is all absolutely right! When I told my mom about this mini assembly in the classroom she said that pretty much described exactly what I wanted to be a free lance writer. So Hopefully that may come true! Because boy do I want it to be. I want to write a novel!

I thought I would leave you with the above picture! I figure that if your reading this, you probably have a blog, and you probably like to write a lot too! So I just thought this was true and funny at the same time!

Enjoy life and the love of writing!

Life!

So tonight, as I told you earlier, my family and I went to dinner. We went to a place called Zocolos It was a pretty good restaurant, it has Mexican food. I got an enchilada (because I love them sooo much!) it had tomatillo sauce on it which I wasn't a huge fan of... it was a bit to spicy for me... but all in all the vibe was great and the restaurant was nice. Definitely go check it out! 

I feel like this weekend was really long. It was nice though. I constantly feel like the weekend is going by way to quickly. The Friday night football game was fun, but kind of a disappointment, and my Saturday tennis match went well, and I got up this morning at 8:50 for no reason, but the dinner was good. So I think each day had its ups and downs... interesting and boring parts. 

I thought this quote was suitable for this post. So I put it up! And I think its actually pretty true. If you just take things one step at a time, and day by day, then you get to stop and smell the roses and actually live your life. 

Live it to the fullest!

Shopping!

I finally figured out how to get a picture of my homecoming dress on here! I am super excited to share it with you my non existent readers! The shoes as well!

 

So that's my dress and shoes! I'm really excited for homecoming!

 

The above are the new purse and wallet I got last night upon my shopping trip to TJ Maxx. I love that store! I dint understand why people don't like it. I'll be at school and someone will say "I like your pants, where'd you get them?" And then I would say "Thank you! I got them at TJ Maxx!" and they say "You shop at TJ Maxx?" As if there's anything wrong with it! Its designer brand just cheaper! My goodness!

So tonight my family and I are finally going out to dinner at a fairly nice restaurant so I have an excuse to dress causal dressy. Finally. I have all these nice formal clothes that are to fancy for school and every day wear, but I haven't got anywhere to wear them! So my mom and I made a resolution to actually do something on the weekends that will give us an excuse to dress nicer then every day wear and tear. 

Right now, as I am writing this post, I am listening to a really good song! Its called Weight of the World, I think its a really good song and its got a nice beat. So you should check it out. 

Well that's all I've got for this post. I haven't got anything to do the rest of the day really, so I will probably post again today. 

The End! :)

The Road.

Sometimes I feel like my life is an endless road stretched out before me... and then other times I feel like I've only got a few more years of "freedom" left. Especially now that I've started high school, everything counts. I have to get great grades and failing or retaking a class in not an option. I feel like everything I do now is shaping me and my resume for college. I'm really starting to feel my time running out now. I've got just under a year and a half until I'm 16. My family isn't to well off, and I know that I'm going to have to get a job (who knows what that would be) and start getting funds for my car and help paying for college tuition (I really have to start looking for scholarships.) eeekkk oh my god, i have so much to do! I think I'm going to do pretty well in high school this year though, we got our progress reports yesterday and I had all A's and three A+'s (not to brag or anythingggg.)  So, I'm just going to take my high school career in stride and do the best I can to get good grades and not stress to much!

For some reason this picture makes me feel calm. So maybe I'll look at a picture like this every time I need to calm myself down. Sounds like a good plan! 

Change

 I thought it was time for a change. I decided to get creative today and redo the appearance of my blog. It was getting very boring to me and I just really wanted to spice things up! 

Now, as I'm thinking about change, I realize, that I am a person who likes change (read my horoscope if you don't believe me!) Go Sagittarius! But yes, as I am thinking about it now, I always redo my room or I change up my backpack or I hang out with new people, do my homework in a different spot then normal. I just change. Although I'm not really much for changing my appearance. I want long hair and my hair will be long for as long as I want it to be that way! Plus, I don't like changing the way I do my makeup or the way I dress. Although I do work on my personality a lot. Lately I've been trying to be more confident in myself. My phrase or motto lately has been Own It. To me this basically means whatever you're going to do, be confident in it and don't be ashamed of yourself. 

I am really glad that i finally figured out how to make my posts... interesting? More decorative? I'm not sure what the word is, but I was typing it all up in the wrong tab. I was using the Edit HTML version rather than Compose. It made me feel quite dumb. I have those moments a lot though, so its really nothing new to me. 

At my old school I was always known as the dumb one who couldn't tie her shoes, but now at my new school, I'm... the smart one. Its so weird, astonishing, unbelievable cool to finally be asked for help instead of having to ask for help. So I like it. Its a nice (no pun intended) change. 

So today, I played a tennis match at a high school in town. I was kind of nervous because I was paired up with a girl that I hadn't played with before. I mean we had talked of course but we were never really partners for anything tennis related. I really didn't want to embarrass myself by doing really bad because she was three spots ahead of me on our team ladder. Good news though! I think I actually played really well! Almost all my serves were in (I only had to go for a second serve a few select times) and I was playing at the net pretty well for someone who is terrified and scared to death apprehensive about playing up at the net. My partner of course played really well to, an she loves playing at the net. We played an eight game pro set and the final score was 8-7 after a 12 point tie-breaker for the lead! (and for all  those people who don't know what that means, don't worry, it means we had a really good and even match!) 

Things I'm excited about right now:

1. The New appearance of my blog!

2. I figured out how to add links and pictures.

3. I learned how to enhance the content of my posts.

4. My tennis match

5. Photo Class

6. Eating dinner out tomorrow with my family! (we never get to do that!)

Things I want to do right now:

1. Get my dog to stop barking

2. See the movie Easy A

3. Hang out with my best friends

4. Re-paint my toenails

5. Go shopping! (I always want to do that though...)

6. Blog again soon!

Well that's all I've got for now, I hope you enjoyed it, although I have like zero followers... Oh well! 

The End! :)

Disappointment.

He wasnt there.

I felt my heart drop.

I wondered why he didnt show.

I had a feeling this would happen. I tried to prepare myself for the worse. But i really thought he might come through this time.

I should have known better then to get my hopes up. Even after he promised me.

I now vow that I will be rid of him. I wont fall for him again. I refuse to go through the ups and downs he causes. I am done, and I will move on.

I can't BELIEVE he wasnt there. He freakin PROMISED me. I truly hate it when people break promises. They truly are not worth my while. I refuse to let him do this to me. I will not cry for him again. I will sew my heart back together. Stand tall, and just move on.

Moving on is something I truly have a problem with. Once I like someone I truly get attached. Thats why I really dont want to let myself like this guy in my photography class because he's a junior first off, and second I know that nothing will happen. Besides, I'm ok with just being his friend. Friend. Friend. Friend. We talk during class and he shows me good songs to listen to. This is one of my favorites he showed me. Its called La Mar by The Beautiful Girls.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o48nV2WQtA0


I hope this link works. My links havent been working very well... Well anyways even if you cant follow the link, just youtube it. Its really good. Anyways, I don't want to fall for him. I wont. Im willing myself not to. Dude! I figured it out! You have to be in the compose version!!!!

So even though he wasnt there tonight, and after a while i knew he wouldnt show up, I decided to have a good time anyways. I talked to some old friends that went to a different school, and I made some new friends that go to my own school. Plus today I got a sandwich thrown at me in the hallway... It was a joke from my friend so its cool. He's nice and pretty funny.

So I had three tests today. Math, and two English tests. We're reading Great Expectations, its a boring load of crap and takes forever to explain stuff good and kind of interesting I guess. Its getting better towards the end. We're almost done! I'm not totally sure what book we're reading next. But I hope its better than this one. I dunno, I liked Pip's character, and then I didnt like it, and now I do. I dunno, this book is just extraordinarily confusing.

So ever since i met my new jr friends in photo class (which im loving by the way) I have found more and more good music. I really like this one guy named Matisyahu. This is the song that I like. Its called One Day and I think the message is good.

Well I'm really happy that I finally figured out how to get the link thing working and all that, and I'll do my best to blog again soon. Thats all for now!

The End :)

Preparation

I am preparing myself, tonight, to see him.

He's going to be at the football game.

I cant get the questions out of my head. What will he say? Will things be just they were? Will he even talk to me?

Im nervous, but at the same time i'm so glad i get to see him. I've been waiting for this since the last day of school when I saw him jump the creek, get in the car, and leave me behind watching helplessly. Wishing he would come back to me. To hold me in his arms and make me laugh til I cry. But he didnt. He left me and found someone else. It tore me in half and darkened my summer, though I tried not to accept it. So this is my mental preparation to see him. He says he's excited, but who knows what he's really thinking...

I hope everything goes well tonight.

Wish me luck!