Hawaii: Outer Body Experiences and Cute Boys

         My family and I have been staying in Hawaii (on the island of Maui) since last Saturday, we just got home this morning (Which is the next Saturday). Let me just start this post off my saying, if you have not been to Hawaii yet, YOU NEED TO GO! It is the best trip you will EVER have. It is worth every single penny, I promise you. You can take my word for it. My family and I had an amazing time and we didn't want to leave when it was time for us to check out. 

        Anyways, the point that I wanted to make was that during this trip, I really didn't feel anything like myself. I mean of course I did, but it was kind o like those outer body sensational feelings, you know? I knew it was me doing all the activities but I still felt as though I was a third party observer (the real me). The me that was out there and occupying my body for the majority of the trip was outgoing, confident, and knew all the right things to say at exactly the right time. That's me, but that's kind of like my alter ego. I guess that's a good description for it.

        My first out of body experience started on Wednesday (three days ago). We were driving the road to Hana. (Its this big long and very windy road. There are stops all along where you can get out and hike trails, look at waterfalls, look out at amazing scenic views, and go by the ocean, whether it be on rocks or on a sandy beach. It is a great experience, and if you ever go, I suggest you do that.) Normally I am not any sort of adventurous or woodsy kind of person, but that day, I was hiking all the trails and I was in the most adventurous mood! My parents had to stop me from doing things that might have been to dangerous for me to do... I still had a lot of fun though.

        My second out of body experience was the next night, Thursday. My family and I had an... eventful afternoon to say the least (the nature of which events will remain concealed) and we were down by the restaurant eating our dinner. My mom told me that I should "go do something teenagerie for once, you always hang out with us adults. Its got to bore you. Go have fun, please, for me?" and so alas, I drug my butt off my nice cushioned seat and went out by the pool deck. It was about 8 o'clock at night Hawaiian time so it was dark out by then. I proceeded to wander aimlessly around the pool deck for a few minutes until i finally settled myself down in a cabana. Once seated I looked to see if there was anyone near me, indeed there was, it was none other than the boy who had been checking me out all week. He was fairly attractive and had a nice body, but he was a little young. So my playful and outgoing side decided to perform a small (and private, meaning he didn't know about it) experiment. The experiment was simple, all I was going to do was see if I could get this guy (who was obviously interested in me) to talk to me. To even just say a few words. I sat there on a lounge chair (just about three away from him) for about 15 minutes and then i decided to wander out onto the beach, I stayed there for a while and I soon turned to see him out there as well. I stayed there a little while longer and then went back to the cabana. He soon followed. We continued to do this all night. Finally, after about 2 hours, I gave up. This guy was not getting any of the hints that I was dropping (i.e. the smiles and the following him etc.) I decided that this boy was not worth my time and I had consequently wasted a good hour and a half of my life. Lesson learned on that one...

        My third, and final, out of body experience for my trip to Hawaii was yesterday. Friday, the day I was leaving and ironically, my favorite day of all. That was the day I finally met a boy that made as much effort to talk to me as i did for him. He was perfect. He was gorgeous. He was... he was himself. It all started while I was lying in a miniature cabana with my mother, we had rented one all day and were drinking up as much vitamin D before the plane ride home would suck it all out of us. He and his family came and rented a cabana a little ways down. Long story shorter, i finally decided to get my lazy butt up and into the ocean. Besides, I knew that as I walked down there he was going to be checking me out on my way (hey, no judgement(;). When i finally managed to get my entire body and head under the water i felt as very accomplished just to be in it. As my mom and I were splashing around in the ocean, he and his father decided they wanted to come "diving for rocks" at that same moment. So they came out and started swimming beside us. A few minutes later my mother (my right hand wing woman who knows exactly how to help without even asking) asked his father, "Are you diving for anything in particular?" this then stroke a conversation up between her and his dad, consequently meaning a conversation for me and him. He asked me where I was from and I told him, we continued conversing and the subject of age came up. He said he'd just graduated from high school and I said I was just starting. He was very surprised and I just took it as a compliment for lack of any other way of wanting to take it.
        My father then joined us in the ocean and the 5 of us swam apart for a few minutes. My mom then decided to get out of the pool, then his father, and then he went to go get his sunglasses and sit in the ocean where the waves lapped the shore. My father then decided that he was getting cold and it was only me left in the water and him on the shore. I swam around aimlessly for a few more minutes, decided I was getting cold and decided to make my way in. The undertow current was very strong so it was hard to stay standing and get out of the ocean gracefully. When I had finally made my way out I really wanted to talk to him, so I just opened my mouth and practically blurted "Wow, its really hard to get out of there! The current is pretty strong right now." He couldn't hear me the first time and so the outgoing and self confident part of me went and sat down next to him and repeated my sentence. Once I was seated I couldn't believe what I had just done. I started freaking out (in my head of course) and thinking to myself, "What if he didn't want me to sit here? What if he's not interested? I'm making a total fool out of myself! I can't believe I sat down here! Go me! Oh no, I wonder what he thinks though!" and so on and so forth. He didn't seem to mind though and we engaged in several minutes of conversation. He asked me questions and I asked and answered some back. A little ways into the conversation he said to me "Oh, my name's Brad by the way. I'm sure you're wondering why is this guy talking to me? I don't even know his name" I kind of laughed because I figured that that would be the exact thing he would be thinking of me, and I thought it ironic how he said he was talking to me when I was the one to go and sit down next to him. But it was nice. Again, I replied with a laugh and, "Nice to meet you, I'm Alana." We continued our conversing until a particularly large wave came and hit us both in the face and at the same time we both said "Alright, I'm gettin' up". He went into the ocean and I wasn't sure that he wanted me to follow so I just went up the hill to the shower. After that I went to get a smoothie to wipe the salt taste out of my mouth. I saw him walking a ways behind me and when I got to the snack counter and he eventually passed behind me, I gave him a smile and he nodded and smiled back and went upstairs. I got my smoothie, and that's the end of that session.

Things I learned about Brad:

1. He likes to skateboard
2. He went snowboarding for the first time in Colorado recently
3. He likes the Denver Nuggets
4. He is from Kentucky (and has the slightest and sweetest little accent to come with it)
5. He has two tattoos (I'm not sure what they are of...)
6. He has both ears pierced
7. He recently graduated from High School
8. He is moving to Hawaii
9. Going to college for 2 years
10. He is staying until next Wednesday, and he got there last Thursday night
11. Detailed agenda of what they are doing each day

        About half an hour later he came back down freshly clean from a shower wearing a blue and white stripped shirt with khaki cargo shorts and white flip flops. He had on his aviators as well. He looked, well, handsome, cute, fashionable, good, awesome, anyyyy of those adjectives. He went over to his parents and he returned the snorkel stuff they had used and then they decided to go in. My mom had already gone in so it was just my dad and I. My father, being the CENTS-able person he is wanted to stay in the cabana until 5 because we had paid thirty dollars at 11 in the morning to stay until 5 and he wanted his money's worth. I decided that I wanted to go upstairs and take a shower because I really had sand in places sand should really never be. Ever. He and his family were walking a little ways ahead of me and they went to the snack bar to order a pizza. He must have seen me walk behind them because I had barely rounded the corner to the elevators when he came after me. I was waiting for the elevator when he rounded the corner and stood beside me. We were talking and our elevator came. I got in and pushed floor 11 and get got in and pressed floor 6. The doors were just closing when his mother came around the corner and asked him for the money that was in the little pack on his back. He was getting the money out with one foot in the elevator and one out blocking the motion detector so it wouldn't close. Apparently he had stood there for too long and it began to close on him anyways. He moved out of the way of the elevator (which unfortunately was outside of it) and the door closing between us. That was the last I saw of Brad. After I had taken my shower I put something cute on (even though I knew i was going to have to change for the plane ride home) because I thought I just might come across him somewhere in the hotel. Did I? No. Of course I didn't. I just cant help imagining what might have happened had the elevator doors closed 5 seconds sooner, and I literally mean 5 seconds.
        *Sigh*

        Well oh well, whats done is done and its still a great memory of my boldness that day. Anyways, the point of this post was just that I felt myself, but a better version of myself. Like I said above, I really do believe that I was acting as though an alter ego of myself would in the situations I was placed in. It made me realize just how interesting my life could be if I was more confident and outgoing. I'll get myself to that place soon enough. I know I will.

        A side note that also pertains to this subject is that today I checked my horoscope for yesterday to see if it was accurate in any way shape or form and I was fully expecting it not to be, but every single area I check was dead on about yesterdays events.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentines Day!

I hope you had a wonderful Valentine's Day! 

My Valentine's day wasn't to terrible. I mean I didn't get any chocolates or flowers, but it wasn't that awful either! I actually forgot it was Valentine's day for the majority of it... Oh well! 

Well I hope you guys had wonderful days today!

Hopefully next Valentines Day I'll have a boyfriend (;

Him Again

I saw him again!

He didn't see me, but I saw him, and that's enough for now.

He was walking on the side of the road. I was on my way home from Pink berry. I was in a car. We passed by him four times, he didn't see me once. He did not notice the gold car repeatedly driving by, but that's okay.

He still looks the same, maybe a little more worn out, but still the same wonderful eyes and the same blond hair. Well, I actually didn't see it because he was wearing a beanie, but I'm sure it was still there!

It was so strange, I was in the car and he was walking with his back to me, he had a black backpack rather than his signature blue one, and he was wearing a beanie covering his blond hair. But somehow, I just knew it was him. I was right!

Well anyways, I haven't got much more to add, but I just wanted to remember today.

P.S. I'm still smiling just from this, ridiculous right?

Will You Ever Set Me Free?

He never gets out of my head! Ugh...

Every time I hear that song
it makes me think of you.
the memories flood my mind
they fill my senses.
At night I didnt want to close my eyes
to be haunted by your memory
to feel the pain I always felt
when you crossed my mind
Inevitably though, the tears would come
and I could feel the hole opening in my chest
gasping for air
grasping for something real
trying to get back to the present.
lying there, drowning in my memories of you
the way you held me
the way you looked at me
the way you made me laugh
the way you made me feel
the way we would look at each other
and know exactly what the other was thinking
with one glance we would both begin to laugh
I finally have the courage to remember those memories in the daylight
to not fall apart when I think of you
I may wince at the sound of our song
But never will I cry for you again
I love you and I am willing to set you free
to fly on my own
without you.

Passion

Passion.

I love people that are passionate about things. Music, sports, writing, a subject in school, photography etc. It doesn't really matter what to me, but it shows me that there is something more in that persons life. Something they love. When someone has something they love and care about deeply, to me, that means that they have... spirit. That when everything is falling down around them, they can turn to that passion, whatever it may be, and know that it will always be there for them. They can take out their anger, or sadness by participating in whatever it may be.

I have a friend, and he is very passionate about music. I always love talking about music with him because that's the only time when he really reveals his true personality to me. I feel as though when he is talking about music he is letting down all those barriers he builds up against people. I remember (because he doesn't go to my school anymore) that whenever I saw him, he always had headphones in his ears, or they were hanging down from the top of his shirt. I don't think I'd ever seen him without them, and I don't remember, even when we were talking, that he was not listening to a song. He showed me several great songs that upon hearing I went home and downloaded to my ipod. It always warmed my heart that he would try to find music on his ipod that he thought I would like and then show it to me.

He has been playing the piano for several years and I imagine that he's very good. The other day we were texting and I was asking him question after question. I found out that he: writes his own music and lyrics. He sings, and he likes performing in front of people. I asked him what he wrote about and he said just whatever was on his mind. I'm still working on that one, but I'll eventually get it out of him.

He also plays the guitar and the harmonica. I even heard him and his friend's song one day in class and he was playing the banjo for the intro. I must say, it was pretty impressive. I asked him if he might ever show me some of his own music one day, and he said he just might. (YES!). 

Anyways, upon thinking about it, I realized that I was passionate about writing. I really am. I love it. I write every single day. I come home and I'll write a poem about my day or just about the way I am feeling. If someone does something to hurt me or my friend or even to make me angry, I'll write about it. 

Reading is another passion of mine. It's my escape from the real world. It's my adventure into the world of another person. To see and feel things the way they do. I used to hate books that made me cry, but then I realized that two of my favorite books are indeed two books that made me cry. (When You Reach Me, and If I Stay are their titles. Look them up, they are great.) I've also noticed that I like books than I can relate to. It makes the whole premise of the book seem more real and I can imagine it that much more vividly. Which makes the experience of reading a book much more satisfying, gratifying, and electrifying. 

I hope you all can find your passion in life! Once you do, don't ever let it go. 

(If you read the picture at the top, it says the same thing as I wrote just above. the "don't ever let it go" part. I actually wrote that before I found that picture. I just thought that was a funny coincidence.) 

Imagination

Imagination. What is it? What makes someone have a good imagination? Is someone who is random, imaginative as well? Can everyone have an imagination?

Proper Definition of Imagination: the product of imagining; a conception or mental creation,often a baseless or fanciful one. (courtesy of dictionary.reference.com) 


My English teacher today, was also talking about denotation versus connotation. She basically said that denotation was the proper dictionary definition and that connotation is what you think it is. What you think about when you think about that word. 


When I hear the word imagination or any form of it I think of: fire breathing dragons, palaces, stars, fairytale endings, things like that. To have an imagination I think you just need to be creative. When you can make up your own story, you think it through in your head, that's imagining it, hence, the word imagination. But that's just my opinion. What do you think? 


I believe that anyone can have an imagination if they want to. I don't think that the people out there who go around and live their life thinking to themselves "This sucks. The world sucks. My life sucks." have such great imaginations, but they're just not acting upon it. They haven't realized the escape in can provide from the real world and all its horrible things. Sometimes, when I'm in my own little world, I imagine that none of the bad things happened, they don't exist. My life is incredible and i can do anything and be anything. I think that artists (as in painters and photographers) most definitely have imagination. To think things through and adjust their masterpiece just right to evoke just the right feelings and emotions form the people who view it.


Well anyways, this is just what was running through my mind today during English class and I thought I might write about it a little. Hope you enjoyed! 

Why Can't I Have a Cool Name?

I was thinking to myself, why are some people names just so cool? How do they get such cool last names? How do their first and last names fit together so well that whenever you say it its like listening to a harmony of bells?

I dont want to go into detail about all the names because I wouldnt want to disclose any information on this blog that can provide "too informational" for stalking finding people just in case people read it, or will read it sometime in the future. (Which I REALLY hope will happen, Who knows. I guess it takes time right?)

But anyways, this revelation or, maybe its just a thought, came to me today while I was in gym class. I was thinking to myself, why do some people just have such cool names that just have a great ring to them. Like my friend who is a sophomore, she's got SUCH a cool last name. I will feel so sad when she gets married and has to change it, unless she keeps it. Which would be absolutely awesome. (I'm keeping mine by the way, for all you potential husbands out there *wink wink*)

I know this post was completely pointless because I didnt really disclose any cool names that I know, but its for the safety of their owners, I promise, otherwise there would be a great long list right here!

Well thats it really, I hope you all had a wonderful day!

Do you think its awkward when the person you like, knows you like her/him?

This has happened to me before, but I was just randomly thinking about it. I think it really depends on the person you like. If they're mature they wont mind and they wont act stupid about it, but if the person isn't or isn't flattered at all, they'll just be creeped out and ignore you.

The first time I ever liked someone that didn't like me back (I know this sounds kind of conceited, but its true) was in 6th grade. He knew I liked him though, and it was awkward. Why was it awkward? Not because he knew I liked him, but because your friends always make everything awkward... I think that's the real problem right there. Well anyways, his name was Austin. He was realllyyyyy cuuuuute...

Anyways, I will now ignore him for the rest of my life though because my friends made it supperr awkward. We go to the same school and have the same 1st period, but I just ignoooore him. Not in a negative way or anything, just so I don't have to be confronted with the awkwardness of our past every time he sees me. Well anyways. Just a random thought I thought I might share with you. Hope your day is going great!

P.S Finals were today and then we have them tomorrow too... I hate them!! Well I mean, I just took my English one today which was reallyyy esayyyy (: but my spanish final tomorrow will prove more difficult, and I have a feeling that my math final will too... Although, they are both all multiple choice. I love multiple choice!

Have a great day! Good luck on finals if you have to take them this week and your school wasn't smart enough to have you take them BEFORE Christmas Break!

Could it be something more?

Do you think that guys and girls can be just friends? Or do you think that there's always some attraction there, even if its a small amount, that finds the other person physically attractive some way, some how?

You see, this guy I went to middle school with used to like me, and had even asked me out in seventh grade. I said no, but we were still fairly good friends. It wasn't until eighth grade that we really started talking and became really good friends. In fact, he's my best guy friend and I'm probably one of his best girl friends. He used to have long hair that reached his shoulders and braces. Over the summer though he cut his hair, and got his braces off. He is a fairly muscular male for his age, and has blond hair and blue eyes.

Right now he has a girlfriend (who does not like me, I might add) and we've been really good friends for a while. I feel as though we can pretty much talk about anything without it being awkward. What I'm not sure though is how i feel about him. We have good memories and have good laughs. But I am still not sure. Yeah, I guess i would actually consider dating him now if he was single, but even still... I just have no idea. I mean, its not like I like him though, I'm just saying I guess he's pretty attractive.

Anyways, this whole situation reminded me of this movie called When Harry Met Sally the male lead was talking to the female lead (Meg Ryan) and they were talking about how he thinks guys and girls can never be "just friends". It got me thinking, do you think guys and girls can be just friends?

New Year! 2011.

So tomorrow is the last day of the year. I really want to do something to make me remember this year and make it something special. Well at least the last day or so... 

In 2009, my father was diagnosed with cancer. It was a very rare kind and luckily the doctors caught it before it got very bad. My dad's two brothers also died of cancer, but he did not. Thank God. Anyways my point with this paragraph was that 2009 was a very eventful year for my family, what with my dad having to go through radiation and surgery. He is fine now though and is completely cancer free :)

2010, on the contrary has been a fairly uneventful year. My family has a lot of good memories from this year, but nothing extraordinarily special. My summer was... fair... the remainder of my eighth grade year was good and not filled with to many regrets. Except for that one boyfriend... but that's beside the point. The beginning of my high school career started out really well. I was having a lot of fun flirting with various boys, but now that the only one I really "cared" about has moved and I realized that pretty much all the other boys are very... immature to say the least, its quite boring and again, uneventful.

I don't have many resolutions for this year, but maybe I'll make a small list.

1. Make 2011 a year to remember. (This is usually one of my resolutions every year.)
2. Improve the way I dress. I discover that I'm becoming very jaded with my style and that I need to shake things up a bit. I used my Christmas and birthday money to buy myself some new skirts and a few sweaters. Hopefully I can find some new ideas for outfits with that. 
3. Stop caring what other people thing of me as much as I do now.
4. Think more positively about myself, my family, the things I'm doing, and just life in general.
5. Make at least one new really good friend that will get me through high school.
6.  Live my life to the absolute fullest (just in case 2012 is real. JUST KIDDING) 
7. Not take things personally. 
8. Keep up my good grades.
9. Actually do something this summer.
10. Get a boyfriend. JUST KIDDING. I don't need one to be happy, but it sure would be nice. 

I'm sorry. That list was a little more extensive then I meant it to be... but I think I just needed to get all that out. Well anyways, those are my resolutions. Have you got any? Feel free to comment my non existent readers! :)

Christmas!

Christmas time! Christmas time! Christmas time!

Christmas is in 3 days! I am so excited! It's my favorite time of year! Everything about Christmas just makes me so happy.

This Christmas my plans are to go up to Tahoe to visit my cousins and perhaps go skiing if I feel like it, but I dont know that I will... and then I'm going to be spending three days up there with them, and then after that i'll come home monday and get ready to go to San Francisco for 2 days with my family! I am super excited!

I get two weeks off for break, and so far its been great! I am really loving just being lazy and not doing anything. Its great :)

I hope your in the Christmas mood this year and you get everything you wished for :)

Merry Christmas everybody!

Yesterday was my birthdayyyy :)

Happy Birthday to Me!

I actually had an amazing 15th birthday. My two best friends threw me a surprise party with my super close guy and girl friends. It was so amazing! I was out of the house all day due to my community service board I'm on and so that gave them the time to get everyone to my house and hidden. When I walked into the door I was so surprised! My face was beat red. Honestly I thought I was dreaming for the first 15 minutes that I was going to fall on the floor and then wake up in my bed. It was crazy, but good crazy.

Well I'll try to post something with substance as soon as possible!

The People that Mind don't matter, and the People that Matter don't Mind

Everyone cares what other people think, to some extent. Everyone wants to be accepted, and everyone fears that they won't be. But where is that fine line between wanting to be accepted, and changing yourself to be accepted?

I was in the car the other day with my Youth Board advisor and some other girls from the board. She was telling us about how she was raised to not care what other people think. She would dance to a song if she wanted to dance to a song.

She then proceeded to tell us that she has two sons, when they are in the car with her and all of them are listening to music she tells them that whoever was able to rock out the hardest to a song and get the person in the next car to give them a strange look gets 30 extra minutes to stay up that night.

This, in turn, taught them not to care what other people thought of them. That if they wanted to rock out to a song, they should rock out to a song, and this leading on to other things of course.

I'm not the kind of girl to change myself for other people, but I do care how other people perceive me.

Well I haven't really got anything else that's deep to add to this post, just that i thought it was a really good thing for her to teach her kids at such a young age. It was a nice observation, and a good lesson for anyone to learn.

Why Him?

So today, my school had a rally for our winter activities. The main one being Bogus Ball. I'm not sure what Bogus Ball exactly is, because I'm a freshman, but that's not the point of this post.

The point is... I was sitting amongst a bunch of packed freshmen bodies in the stands of the large gym at our school. At our school rallies, the different classes have a competition and see who wins the coveted "Spirit Belt". Well, during one such game, the Slurpee one (where a member from each class had to drink as much of a Slurpee as they could through a really long loopy straw while a team member was holding it up high) I saw a sophomore who was participating as the Slurpee drinker. I don't know what it was about him, but he just radiated cool. You know that kind of person who's just cool and they don't even have to try? It's not like I had never seen this kid around school, I see him after school, and my friend was talking to me about him once about how he's super nice and always says hi to him. I'd always thought he seemed pretty cool and he definitely looked the part (He was attractive to say the least), but I dunno what it was. Just sitting there watching him drink that Slurpee while doing a handstand, and to see how spirited he was, and to see how well he got along with the people that were sitting on the floor next to him who were obviously not his friends just really struck home with me. I found it really attractive and I couldn't seem to get him out of my mind the rest of the day.

During those such hours of the day when my mind would wander, I'd find myself thinking "What makes this kid seem so cool? What makes some freshman notice how he just radiates cool-ness from across a crowded gym?" For a while, I couldn't figure it out. Then I got to thinking about the Secret, because lately its influenced me so much. Then I remember one such passage that said:

"...that the most confident guy in the room is surrounded by girls and guys the minute he walks in the door. Why is that? It's because he projects cool; he feels good within myself. He's having fun, and, most important, he's fun to be around. So he attracts a crowd-its magnetic... As for all the guys and girls surrounding him, they're all attracted by his confidence, charisma, and self-respect. Don't you see, they love him because he loves him."

I think that this is probably very true. Of course the way he looks may not even be whats attractive. Before I saw him today, I hadn't really given him a second thought other than that I knew him as that guy who always says hi to my friend. Today he looked attractive, and acted... attractively? For lack of a better word. Of course the fact that he actually knows how to dress adds to that, but I think it pretty much has everything to do with the way a person acts. Then I thought. If that kid can do it, why cant I?  So that kid (whom I regrettably don't know the name of) was certainly on my mind today. Not that I like him or anything, it was just a very interesting subject matter to figure out what really attracted me to him from across a crowded gym. I mean of all the other sophomores there, why him?

Lately, though, I've been trying to make my thoughts more positive. I want to attract more positive things in my life. Attracting bad things is not going well for me, and as a high schooler now, I'll be going to college soon and I really need some good luck, and attracting good things my way will have everything to do with my attitude, and that having to do with so much more...

I Know The Secret, Do You?

I've been reading this book called The Secret. I'm sure you've heard of it, because its pretty popular. It's kind of like a self improvement book. So my mom bought the The Secret book that was especially for teens. What is it called do you ask? The Secret To Teen Power.

So I'm like halfway through the book right now. Important things I've learned so far?

1. Find out what your dream is. (That's easy for me, writing!)
2. The Law of Attraction never fails. 
3. You attract everything that happens to you, good or bad.
4. like attracts like
5. thoughts become things
6. you attract into your like what you think about most.
7. THINK POSITIVE
8. Live for today. Right now. In the moment
9. Feel alive. Live your life, don't just watch it through someone else's eyes. 
10. Ask... Believe... Receive
1. Ask: When you first think of something
2. Believe: Act as if you already have what you want. 
3. Receive: Feel the way you expect to feel when you receive whatever it is you want. 
11. Trust your instincts. Follow your inspired or intuitive feeling.
12. Thank the Universe and/or God for everything you're grateful for.
13. Picture yourself doing whatever you want. Picturing things in your mind is a huge part of The Secret.

So, these are just a few of the many things i learned from this truly enlightening book. If you're a teen out there and your look for a few extra things or finding yourself and your dream, its easy, just read The Secret. I can tell already that its going to help me a lot, and I hope it helps you too! 

The Secret by Paul Harrington. I'm pretty sure there's also a secret book for adults as well. 

So last Thursday, my tennis team had the end of the season banquet. So at this banquet, each player gets individually recognized in front of the entire team (varsity and JV) as well as the parents and family of the team members. I came home from the banquet in a very angry mood and seriously wanted to punch someone. The reason? Well. I wasn't recognized properly.

The one thing that really gets me is being under appreciated. There's nothing like being made to feel like crap by getting under appreciated and recognized for less than you really did. I felt cheated, angry and was annoyed with my coaches.
First of all, I just wanted to say that, I knew I wasn't going to get recognized as a varsity player (even though i practiced the entire season with varsity, and was at every single varsity game). But that's not exactly what I'm focusing on right now. So there were two reasons as to why I was angry. And one small reason, but it didn't really make me that angry since I was expecting it.

1. I had to accept a JV award. I mean nothing is wrong with JV but it just sucks to have to accept an award that reflects a lot less than the actual work you did.
2. While I was standing up there as the JV coach was talking about me, she asked me how long I'd been playing and I said just a few months and then she said to the audience "It was good that she got to play with varsity a few times." Ummm EXCUSE ME! I practiced every day with varsity and I was at every single varsity match. I sat there the entire time and finally played exhibition matches at the end. And this woman has the never to say I played with varsity a few times, she has the nerve! Ugh. 
3. The third thing that made me angry was the two girls that were my doubles partners for the entire season were mentioned as varsity players!! and I wasn't!! I mean I knew I was going to get a JV award, but i figured they would too, so that made it okay. But then they didn't and I just felt so let down and annoyed. 
4. ANOTHER thing that made me angry was that my coach said things about other players that wasn't even true! Plus she said that other players are spending a lot of outside time to prepare for next season and that they did a lot of outside work to prepare for this season, and I did so much work to prepare for this season! And i am doing so much work to prepare for next season! But do i get acknowledged for that? Noooooo, of course not!
5. And yet ANOTHER thing that aggravated me was that my dad also did a lot of work for the team. He was at all the games I was at, minus maybe two, and he made shelves in out tennis shed and he blew off the courts several times. Did he get acknowledged for all that? Noooo, instead he got a backhanded gesture while the seniors dad was getting all the thanks for it. 

It just aggravated me a lot. That neither me or my father were getting the recognition we deserved. And there's nothing I hate more than not getting recognized properly (just as I said above).

Well I'm sorry this post is whiny, but I really just had to get that out of my system. Next time will be better I promise! 

Something That Made Me Smile Today

There's truly something amazing about standing outside on a warm windy day during fall and watching all the leaves fall around you. Its sort of like dancing in the rain, you get that satisfaction and happiness, but you don't get soaked, although i am an avid rain dancer ;] I just love looking up and seeing all the wonderfully colored leaves falling down around me. Its... magical. 

This afternoon was so great because my friend and I walked all over my neighborhood under the falling leaves. She came over this afternoon because she was my model for my photography project. It was just great to walk around enjoying the warm gusty day, taking pictures of my best friend, feeling the warmth of the sun on my back, hearing the crunch of leaves under my feet, and watching even more fall from the trees. After we had finished with the pictures, my friend and I came back to my house, but we thought it a shame to stay inside on such a beautiful day like today. So we got some towels, took some food with us, and went to this empty, grassy field in between 2 houses, set up camp and just sat there and talked. 

It.

Was.

Amazing.

Well I hope you all found lovely things to do on this fine day! Until next time! 

I Wish I May, I Wish I Might!

TRAVEL ABROAD THIS SUMMER TO GREECE, ITALY, SWITZERLAND, FRANCE, AND THE UNITED KINGDOM!!!!!!!!!!

Oh BOY! I am so excited!!! I really hope my parents let me go. I'm not expecting an answer anytime soon, but I popped the question tonight. It costs $4600 though... I really want to go though!! The $4600 covers all the expenses minus what you do in your free time. My friend said she was going to ask her parents if she can go. But i've always wanted to go to Greece and really anywhere in Europe and if i get to see all this in one trip it would be so amazing!!! We're starting out in Athens and then continuing on to Delphi, after that we go on a one night cruise to Sorrento, and then on to Rome. After that we get to see Florence, Italy and then Lucerne. And then! After that, we get to see PARIS FRANCE and LONDON ENGLAND! It was would be AMAZING if i got to go!!! Wish me luck! :]

Why does this keep happening?

Well. Tonight certainly didn't go as planned. I figured I might be let down. And who was right? ME. Yay. I was right. Ugh. At least I didn't get completely let down. He did text me and tell me he wasn't coming because it was his dads birthday, and that he still wanted to hang out soon. So at least there's that. 

At least I still had fun though! I made a senior friend who goes to Del Campo. He was cool and super nice. So that was good. And at least I didn't get ditched all the time and I had people to hang out with. At least there was some good in a wasted football game. 

My Plea

Please be there

Please don't let me down as I've been let down so many times before

Please find me tonight

I will be there

Waiting for you

Please...

Please don't let me down

I so hope he's there tonight. He told me he would be. I hope this doesn't turn out as it did the last time. Although this is a different guy. I really hope he's there tonight. Although he may not be. This is my plea. 

Please

don't forget me

Because I know I'll never forget you

The way you smiled

The way your eyes would always flicker to me and then back again

I shamelessly stared and hoped you wouldn't notice.

I know i'm easy to be forgotten

but I'll do anything for you to remember

For you to not forget me

Ever.

Tearing through the night

faster than a bullet

nothing for the darkness to reveal

but all its lonesome secrets

wrapping around you

cloaking you in darkness

protecting the darkness even within yourself

letting you become any force you wish to be.

The stars I see at night

are the same ones you see too

burning bright in the sky

surrounded by darkness

do you look upon them as I do now?

do you wish upon them too?

I do

And I will forever wish for You

Taylor Swifts album came out on monday. I have to admit that I was not one of the screaming fans who ran out and bought it on the first day. I did download it on itunes though. I think that the album is AMAZING Taylor Swift is truly a lyrical GENIUS! To really understand the extent of her lyrical genius-ness, you should read THIS article off yahoo. 

I've been listening to her album non stop for the past two days! I just cant get enough! My favorite songs on this album are Speak Now, Mean, and Better Than Revenge.  I think the messages are really good, plus I think the people they are about really got what they deserved. 

Once again, great job Taylor Swift!! You've succeeded to impress me over and over again! You are a true lyrical genius!

I like how this album is a lot different from her other ones. It's a lot less country then we are used to hearing from her. I think the "pop" style/genre suits her well. I think she's proven that she is really going to be something big. She'll leave a mark in the music industry for sure. In fact, in my opinion, I think she already has.

What I love the most about Taylor is that she's real. All her song subjects are about something that has actually happened in her life. A LOT has happened in hers apparently. She makes beautiful songs out of all the good and bad events in her life, the choices she's made.

So to all of you who haven't bought this album yet, you should! Or at least listen to it. It'll be worth it!

SPEAK NOW or FOREVER hold your peace...

I saw him!

I saw you tonight

for the first time since you left

my heart leaped in my chest

my hands started shaking

I was happy to see you

I broke out smiling and waved

you waved back and my heart simply melted

during intermission we got the chance to talk

It was just like old times but even better because it had been so long

Tonight I felt as though I could finally breath since you had gone.

I wrote this last saturday. I got to see him! The one who moved away! I was so happy! 

Here's the story: My mom and I were home by ourselves last weekend because my dad went out of town. She decided to have one of her friends and her daughter (who is my friend) over for dinner, and then after we would all go and watch the Bella Vista play "And Then There Were None". The play was a murder mystery based of the "Ten Little Indians" rhyme. I'm just going to say right now that I screamed several times, and it was scary! A school play! Scary! I couldn't believe it! It was actually really good for a school play. Well anyways, we went to the play that night, not expecting much (well at least I wasnt) so we go up into the raised audience seats and i hand my ticket to the girl that was taking our tickets and telling us where our seats were. I smiled at her (because I knew her, she's in my PE class) and then I looked up at the audience to see if I knew anyone. I first saw my best friend (she was there because her sister is in the play) and then i scan over the audience again and who should i see but HIM! He was looking right at me. I literally flinched when I saw him. My brain then recollected itself and I broke out into a HUGE grin and waved. I was so happy to see him there. So my friend pointed out where our seats were, and they ended up being RIGHT behind where he and his friend (also my friend) were! I seriously started shaking! You know how you get into that mood where you are really jumpy? Well ya, thats how I was. Well anyways we got to talk during the 15 minute intermission, like i said in the poem, it was just like before he left. We talked and laughed about some things and just talked and enjoyed our time together. I wasnt by myself with him though. Oh well, I still had a good time and I talked to him on facebook monday night and then i gave him my number telling him to text me, and he did! :] I was so happy! Again! Well thats really all for now. I really hope I get to see him again this year. It was really amazing. 

Halloween.

Halloween. My least favorite holiday. In 9 days. 

I'm not really sure why I don't like Halloween, but I just don't. It gives me the heebie-jeebies. I hate being scared. I hate that feeling. So that's probably why I dislike it. I mean don't get me wrong, I've dressed up and gone trick-or-treating every year for as long as I can remember. But I was never one to go into a haunted house and if there are any suspicious or extremely lifelike looking decorations in front of the house I'll skip right by it. 

I always liked the myths though. I don't know, I guess I'm just that kind of person. I always like the mythical aspect of things. Oh well. 

Luckily this year I wont have to deal with all the heebie-jeebie scary parts of Halloween this year because my mom is taking me to Missouri to visit my grandparents. Although I was looking forward to handing out candy at my front door this year... but that won't be happening, unless people actually come to my grandparents front door... 

Oh well. Well, that's all I really wanted to post right now.  Enjoy your Halloween evenings next weekend!

Forever Stuck :/

          I haven't really got much to write. Just that I've been feeling lonely at school lately. I mean of course I've got friends that I hang out with, but I don't mean physically. I mean emotionally. None of the new "friends" I have made are really good friend material. It got me thinking about the difference between real friends, and class friends. 

          Class friends, to me, are the friends that you talk to in class to convince yourself your not a loner, but you are too shy to say hello to in the hallways. They are the friends that, in a group project, may ask you to be in their group, but wouldn't ask you to sit with them at lunch. The friends that you can joke and laugh with, but you cant be completely yourself with. 

          Real friends though are the people you talk to in class because they're funny, they're the ones you yell at in the hall, the friends your constantly choosing for projects and are an active part of your lunch routine, the ones you can joke and laugh with both knowing that there's no judgement no matter how weird you act. 

          All I want in High School is some real friends, friends that care about me, but not the way I act. That's been my real challenge in school so far. I mean I'm good at making class friends, but taking the next step with them is always the hard part. I feel like I'm just stuck being their class friend, never anything more or anything real. Nothing with substance. That's my problem with high school, I've yet to find a person with real substance that I click well with. Ugh. I feel like hope is forever lost and I'm forever stuck!! 

          Sometimes I do think to myself that my social life would've been easier if I had gone to Mira Loma, but I really am glad that I didn't though because I would have been kicking myself over and over due to all other aspects of it. I mean don't get me wrong, I love Bella Vista, but I just need friends!  I feel so alone in the world. I hate feeling alone. All I want is even one friend that accepts me for me, wants to be with me no matter how crazy I act (because I can get pretty crazy), and someone who likes the same kind of things as me. That's all. Is it really to much to ask for? 

Find that one person who understands you!!

Homecoming 2010!

So Saturday night was the homecoming dance, it was really fun! I am so glad that I went! Even though I just went with a group of friends, it was still a lot of fun. Before the dance my friends and I went out to a sushi restaurant near my house called Mikuni. It is so good! I definitely recommend it! I'm not sure though if there are restaurants outside the Sacramento area though... So you might have to look that one up. Anyways, we thoroughly enjoyed our dinner and I narrowly escaped an extremely awkward moment. You see, my friend and I went to the bathroom and this other girl and her group (the one I talked about in a previous post) were eating dinner with ours. So while my friend and I were in the bathroom she was asking me about her, and so I was answering the questions, and who should walk in the door but the girl! I don't think I'd ever shut my mouth so fast. I'm really not the type of person to talk about someone negatively behind their back, really, but I am a person with a very low patience level. So when I'm driven to it... Oh boy.... 

Other than that little lapse at dinner my night was very enjoyable. I got to dace with some cool guys as well as my beautiful friends. Got to see all kinds of girls in their gorgeous dresses! Got to see some boys lookin real spiffy, and got to flaunt what I've got! So it was fun. I love dressing up! Especially for party's and events like this. I was always a huge fan of bar/bat mitzvahs. Well anyways, I just wanted to write a post on homecoming because I thought it was fun and awesome enough to deserve its own post. I hope all of you non existent and future readers had a wonderful night at your 2010 Homecoming! Love you all! 

My heart is finally at peace.

We saw each other today

For the first time since June.

Things were good

But not quite the way they used to be

We talked and joked

But the spark just wasn't there.

We'll be good friends

But I think I'm finally over you

My heart has moved on

And it aches for you no longer. 

Well, I wrote this Friday night. The night I saw him. This is the first guy... not the one that moved... But anyways, I saw him and we talked and did the same kinda stuff we used to, but it just wasn't the same... I think this poem is kind of a peace of mind for me. It's me making peace with my heart. Me making peace with him for hurting me so much. This is me moving on and acknowledging that I don't like him anymore, my heart doesn't ache for him any longer. Plus, I found out that he really did go out with his ex girlfriend. Like for real. Ugh. I really do think, though, that the best way to get over one guy is to find a new guy to like. The painful part is just the time it takes to find that newbie. In my case, it took all summer and then some 'til I found my guy. And then what happened? He moved away. Of course. 

Well my oldie wants me to go to the Rio Homecoming Game which is next Friday... Against Mira Loma... So I might actually do that because I love Mira Loma, plus I don't think we've got a home game next week, and other high schools football games always seem to be more fun then ours (go figure). 

So that night, my friend and I were originally going to go to our own school's homecoming game, but then she brought up the idea of going to ML's and so we debated it, and then we just decided to go. So then she calls me and says I'll pick you up in 5 minutes. I was like WHAT?!?! It takes me more than 5 minutes ti get all this beautiful gorgeousness ready! So I started running around the house getting all my stuff together and getting my face and clothes ready. So she came up and of course I wasn't ready, so I sent my dad out there to talk to her mom and stall me a few minutes... It worked. So ya. Then we get there and my other friend tells me that he is there. I started FREAKING out and got all nervous. But it was better once I saw him. He hadn't changed a bit, except for maybe being a bit taller... Well anyways that was my entertaining Friday night. The next night was homecoming :) more on that in another post! 

Goodbye...

He's gone.

He left today.

He walked away without a second glance.

Or even a single word.

He says he'll come visit, but I don't know if that's really true.

I love the way he's so into music. The way he loses himself in a song. His intoxicating smile makes it hard for me to breath. His gorgeous blue eyes, so deep, I feel as though I can see into the depths of his soul. It makes me want to wipe away every hardship and tragedy he's been through. Makes me want to erase all the bad memories and replace them with newer, happier ones. Makes me want to tell him to stay. Tell him everything will be fine, it'll all work out. But now he's gone for good. He won't be coming back. I feel lost and alone. 

So, I wrote that yesterday... I am just posting this now. Well, the guy I told you who was moving away moved away yesterday. It sucked. He was honestly the only thing I looked forward to in my day. What kept me going in my already apprehensive idea of high school. But no, he moved away. This always happens to me. Nothing ever works out in the love department. Oh well, nothing was ever going to happen with him... Well anyways, we didn't even get to say goodbye because he and his friend were in a fight (on the day he's moving, go figure) yesterday. So he walked out of the photography room pissed off. It made it even worse that I wouldn't be able to see him after school because I had a tennis match. I didn't get home last night until 9, and this girl who needs to go jump off an effing cliff that frustrates me occasionally. Well, I had a really bad day because he left, I didn't get to say goodbye, i played awfully in my match (even though we won, I play doubles) and I was just extremely tired. Well anyways, I come home and she starts talking to me on good old facebook bragging about talking to him and all this crap. I was so not in the mood to hear this so I e-mailed him on facebook and we talked for a little while. So i guess that was good, I just was so not into all her crap. So ya, yesterday was a bad day, and today was a bad day. Wahoo for bad days! Not. 

Hopeless Love

I finally got over one and fell for another... love is just not in favor of me! The first guy said he liked me one day and then three days later he was going out with his ex girlfriend again! And now this second guy is moving away! Curse my bad luck with love! 

Sometimes I think to myself. "What in the heck did I do to get all this?" Why does this continue to happen to me? I'm the kind of person who gets really attached to someone I like and its hard especially when they lie to/betray me and it sucks when they move away too, although this is a first for me... I spent all summer pining over the first guy and as you saw in my posts last Friday, still kind of am. My summer was full of unnecessary tears (although I did a lot of writing) it still sucked a lot. This second guy, I don't think ill be pining over this guy quite as long because nothing ever really happened, but it still stinks that he's moving away and makes me kind of sad. Plus, he seems so happy to be moving anyways! He hates it here I guess. I don't understand why though because his best friend is here, and he's just completely leaving him behind with no regrets or second thoughts really. So that sucks for his best friend... and kind of for me. I'm sorry I'm in such a poor me mood right now, but I dunno, I feel like I used to be so good at the... love game, for lack of a better description, and now every guy I like is unobtainable. Love sucks. That's what I learned this summer. Hope love is going better for you then for me...

The above picture pretty much describes how i feel when I like an unobtainable guy... 

Love with all your heart!